Relationships Articles

There's no doubt that meaningful relationships bring happiness into our lives. Although at times, they can also bring sorrow and frustration. Leaning how to be happy with oneself is crucial in building health relationships with others which ultimately bring happiness into our lives.

The Sure Fire Way to Sabotage Any Relationship (plus the top 6 reasons to avoid it)

by Jared Akers

Want to sign your relationship’s death certificate? Then keep trying to “get back to the way things were.”

I hear people say “I wish we could just get back to the way we were” all the time, I’ve been guilty of it myself—a long time ago. It’s dangerous and it’s sentencing your relationship to failure; or at best a boring and emotionally and physically unsatisfying relationship.

Maybe in your relationship you’re trying to decide if you should stay or go, or save your marriage? If you’re wanting to stay and truly build a strong and lasting relationship, you need to start asking the right questions.

But if you’re hell bent on sabotaging it… just read in.

The top 6 reasons why this thinking will lead to the end of your relationship

6. It’s Impossible

So quit trying. The way things were are the way things were, not the way things are. Concentrate on what you can do today to improve your relationship; not what your partner did or didn’t do in the past or may or may not do in the future. The only thing you can control is right now; so go do something nice for your loved one this moment to increase the chance of a better tomorrow.

5. Expectations

“Today’s expectations are tomorrow resentments” or “expectations are resentments in training.” Having unreasonable expectations set upon ourselves and others is the quickest way to resentments. Expecting someone to be the same person they were years or even a few months ago is unreasonable. As far as I’m concerned, resentment should be considered stealing as it robs us of the precious time we have on earth which could be spent loving. [Read more…]

How to Find Happiness in Marriage

by Jared Akers

I’ve had the experience of being in two marriages.

Well, the first one ended in an annulment 6 months into it so “technically” we were never married, but we were both unhappy.

Today, I’ve been happily married for a year and two months. You may be asking yourself, “What does this guy know about finding happiness in marriage?”

That’s a good question, just read on and make up your own mind.

Before we get into how to find happiness in marriage, it’s important to provide some personal history about myself. In doing so, I hope to help others realize why they may currently be unhappy; and ultimately how my wife and I have found happiness in our marriage.

For most of my life, my relationships lasted—on average—six months. It seems that whenever someone got too close, I found ways to end the relationship. Most generally it was the, “it’s not you it’s me” line. However, I failed to realize this was what I was doing.

I felt as if the relationship was cutting into “me” time and was getting in the way of my goals. I did not want to put in the time it took to build healthy relationships with the opposite sex. Of course I wanted someone to love and cherish me, but when they started talking about marriage or long-term commitments, I usually started thinking about ways to get out of the relationship.

Consequently, this led me to have one-foot-out-the-door in relationships and emotionally unavailable. In reality, I didn’t know enough about myself to know what I wanted and needed in a partner or spouse. [Read more…]

Today Could Be Your Last Chance; Make it Count!

by Jared Akers

Have you told the people in your life how much they mean to you recently? We all know this is important, but do we really take the time to connect with them on an emotional level and tell them how much they mean to us? Some family members may be uncomfortable with heartfelt discussions, but when they’re gone, baby they’re gone.

Shortly after I was born, my father built us a home with his own hands just outside the city where he worked construction. However, deep inside he’d always dreamed of owning and running a farm. I think he liked the idea of working for himself and the freedom it brings. Of his generation, the greatest compliment was “he’s a hard worker,” and that was/is my dad; a hard worker. I think he realized if he worked as hard for himself as he did for “the man,” he was sure to succeed.

Shortly after my fifth birthday, we packed up everything and moved to a farm house ten miles outside a small town in East Central Kansas; the four of us and 80 acres. What I remember most about the house; bitter cold. Winter would often find my older sister and me sleeping in the dining room around the wood burning stove. My mother would heat bricks on the stove, wrap them in towels, and put them in the bottom of our sleeping bags. She was so thrifty; still is.

[Read more…]

Pain or Pleasure, What’s Your Payoff?

by Jared Akers

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
–Albert Einstein

Is there a payoff in everything we do? Whether we experience pain or pleasure, must we always get something in return? The payoff. As people react to our behaviors, we often find ourselves in a position to be hurt. Conversely, we also have the ability to place ourselves in situations that bring great joy.

This is not to say bad or good things do not just happen, but when the results seem to be tied to our behavior, maybe we need to stop and review what our payoff is.

If you find yourself in constant conflict with the world or those around you, stop to see what your payoff is; is it emotional pain or fear? Maybe the payoff (fear or pain) is validation for the feelings of insufficiency you have for yourself. I was stuck in this cycle for years in regards to intimate relationships. No matter how much I liked someone, the relationship would ultimately end; and I would once again be alone. The payoff was validation that I was incapable of being loved unconditionally for who I was. Once I learned to love myself unconditionally, things changed.

It has been my experience that seeking pleasure as the payoff in and of itself, is misguided. At most the pleasure is short lived and thus we spend the majority of our time and effort chasing pleasure.

The less we expect a payoff, the more free we become to experience pleasure in everything we do.

photo credit: lolika pop

The Guaranteed Way to Never Say Something You'll Regret!

by Jared Akers

Today is December 3rd. I actually wrote this post last week… because on December 3rd I’ll either be relaxing on the beach reading or drift diving above the beautiful reefs of Cozumel MX. December 2nd is my wife and I’s one year wedding anniversary. We were married at Lydgate Beach on Kauai in the early morning of Dec. 2nd 2008 by the amazing Rev. Caroline Miura of Sacred Ceremonies. In attendance were myself, my wife Emily, Caroline, God, and several wonderful guests (chickens) who enjoyed cake after the wedding. It’s been an amazing year and I’d like to share something with everyone that was read as part of our wedding ceremony:

Your “homework” is to practice an ancient Sufi tradition: In your life together, speak words to your beloved only if they can pass through 3 gates: First, is it truthful? Second, is it necessary? Third, is it kind? If your words are truthful & necessary & kind, then the love you have maintained up until today will be nourished and continue to grow & your name will continue to remain safe in your beloved’s mouth.

This test of what should come out of our mouths is an amazing exercise in any situation. Let’s use this test on an often debated question:

“Do these pants make my butt look big?” [Read more…]

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