Relationships Articles

There's no doubt that meaningful relationships bring happiness into our lives. Although at times, they can also bring sorrow and frustration. Leaning how to be happy with oneself is crucial in building health relationships with others which ultimately bring happiness into our lives.

HTBH 003: Nurturing Relationships

by Jared Akers

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Welcome to the How to Be Happy Podcast Episode #3. In this session Emily and I talk about nurturing relationships.

Some topics you’ll hear in this episode:

Keeping the Love (relationship) Alive

In the early part of a relationship, it’s easier to be physical than emotional. Physical interaction is an easy way to say, “Hey, I’m really digging you!”
As the relationship matures, you still show love in other ways
Things to do For Him: Emily give’s a shout out to the “ladies at the Starbucks of Summit Fair, Lee’s Summit, MO where she was asked about loving things to do for your husband
- Leaving love notes (maybe in your husbands coat pocket)
- Emily mentions doing things like folding a wash clothe nice or a chocolate under the pillow like you would see in a five star hotel
- Letting him know it’s OK to enjoy himself and relax
Things to do For Her:
- The obvious ones, flowers (for no reason)
  - We talk a little bit about orchids. Each has its own love language like people sometimes
- Find out what they “dig” – Pay attention
- Just be kind
- Leave notes
Jared’s a PC, Emily is a MAC and we make it work just fine
Date Night
- Schedule time when it’s just the two of you
Communication is always key
Spontaneity
- Be willing to be spontaneous
- Although communicate, some people like to be mentally prepared, like when they have an expectation
- We talk a little bit about traveling and how Jared used to schedule everything. And how it’s more important now to “wear life like a loose garment” and go with the flow
- Decide “how big of a deal is it” if we decide to go do something else – other than what we expected
- We share a story about our first trip together to St. Croix. Expectations and that we can decide, are we going to be part of the problem, or the solution? And Jared get’s sprayed by ants in the Jeep

Alone Time

Keeping Self Image – Independence
Waiting on your spouse to get read – don’t rush them
Hobbies
Having alone time is good – then you have something to share with each other later

Friends

Circle of Friends – How much investment do you point in a relationship that’s not positive?
Hanging out with People Who Inspire You
Investing in Relationships

Family

Family is important but we can still surround ourselves with people that inspire us
Love more by caring less

Some items reference or mentioned in this episode:

“How do you get your nearest and dearest to change their behavior? Simple: Stop giving a damn what they do, says Martha Beck.” Martha Beck’s How to Love More by Caring Less in Oprah Magazine.
St. Croix
Flowers

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The Finality of Death, the Miracle of Asking, and Missing My Dad

by Jared Akers

It’s easy to take for granted the closeness and physical presence of loved ones in our lives. Their smell, the emotions they bring out in us, or the energy they bring when entering a room. It’s an amazing thing; the physical presence of another human which you’ve shared a large part of your life with. The realization that a parent, child, or friend may not always be there is hard to imagine… until they’re not there anymore. Death is so final.

This is going to sound bad… OK, it is bad, but it’s just a thought. When I went through a tough break up many years ago I remember thinking it would be easier if the other person had died suddenly. I know it’s horrible to think. Yet I know I’m not that unique. If they died, I wouldn’t have to accept the idea they were living their lives content, without me. I could move on. That was the first time in my life I felt utterly helpless, hopeless, out of control; an emotion that logic, commitment, and hard work could not maneuver past. The result was a pain I had no idea how to deal with—so I went back to the only thing I knew how to do, isolate and drink. Behavior which only re-enforced the wall of impossibility at finding a spiritual solution to any problem. Like the saying, “only an alcoholic treats loneliness with isolation.” [Read more…]

How to Develop Good Communication Skills (accidentally on purpose)

by Jared Akers

In a recent job interview I was asked “what are you best at?” My answer was communicating, inspiring, and remaining calm under pressure. The next question was, “how much time do you spend doing those things in your current position?” My answer… hmm, well, at first I said none but then changed it to maybe 10%. After which I shifted in my seat, gave my real serious look and said, “Here’s the deal… I wake up each morning and remind myself I’m here to be of service to others; and that I can be of service regardless of my job title.” Also known as—I’m an optimist and make the best out of any situation—speech. It became obvious I wasn’t currently in a position—professionally—to excel at what I do best. Since then I’ve been thinking about something…

How did I develop good communication skills?

The answer: getting to know myself and practice.

[Read more…]

Peace Love and Happiness: Finding Inner Peace and Accepting Love = Happiness

by Jared Akers

What does peace, love, and happiness mean to you? I think of the sixties—or was that sex, drugs, and rock and roll?—and the idea that love can end war and violence.

Is love really all we need?

If it’s that simple, we need to start with love for ourselves; until we accomplish that, nothing will change. By developing self-acceptance, understanding, empathy, and love for self, we’re better able to practice those very attributes in our relationships with others.

First a Little about Relationships

Does everyone really have a soul mate? It seems that everyone is searching for that one special person that will make their life complete. Then we’ll truly find happiness right?

Hollywood has made it hard for people to live up to the expectations of the fairytale relationship. I’m not a pessimist, just a realist. [Read more…]

He Knows Just How Much We Can Bear

by Jared Akers

NOTE: I wrote this article on July 11th, 2010 prior to Goodbye for now, Dad

I remember the surgeon saying, “it’s not good, it is cancer and most likely originated in the lungs…” meaning it has metastasized throughout his body. “All we can do now is pray the Lord has mercy and he doesn’t suffer long.” The following 10 days felt as if I was watching a sad movie. On July 6th my father passed away.

This morning in the shower I was thinking about the moment I heard the surgeon tell us the bad news. It was as if I left my body and God pulled me beside him, with his arm around me, and we have been watching this entire thing together. Then the words came to my consciousness, “it’s OK Jared, I’ll take care of him.” And I wept… no, I wailed. I wailed till I couldn’t catch my breath and wondered if the neighbors could hear me. In that moment I felt the presence of God more than I have in a long time. The term “more will be revealed later” become a personal experience. [Read more…]