Jared Akers

The Finality of Death, the Miracle of Asking, and Missing My Dad

by Jared Akers

It’s easy to take for granted the closeness and physical presence of loved ones in our lives. Their smell, the emotions they bring out in us, or the energy they bring when entering a room. It’s an amazing thing; the physical presence of another human which you’ve shared a large part of your life with. The realization that a parent, child, or friend may not always be there is hard to imagine… until they’re not there anymore. Death is so final.

This is going to sound bad… OK, it is bad, but it’s just a thought. When I went through a tough break up many years ago I remember thinking it would be easier if the other person had died suddenly. I know it’s horrible to think. Yet I know I’m not that unique. If they died, I wouldn’t have to accept the idea they were living their lives content, without me. I could move on. That was the first time in my life I felt utterly helpless, hopeless, out of control; an emotion that logic, commitment, and hard work could not maneuver past. The result was a pain I had no idea how to deal with—so I went back to the only thing I knew how to do, isolate and drink. Behavior which only re-enforced the wall of impossibility at finding a spiritual solution to any problem. Like the saying, “only an alcoholic treats loneliness with isolation.” [Read more…]

How To Be Fearless: Harnessing the Courage to Be Free

by Jared Akers

Fear can be debilitating. It can stop us in our tracks as we pursue our dreams, aspirations, or even the simplest of daily tasks. So how and why does fear manifest itself in our lives and what can we do to live a fearless life? In Guy Finley’s book, The Courage to Be Free: Discover Your Original Fearless Self, he discusses some simple steps and keys to freeing oneself and living fearless.

The book starts with a cute parable demonstrating how we become attached and crippled by false beliefs. The story is about a group of bald eagles duped by some crows into believing they need certain equipment to be more effective. Equipment like rain coats, goggles, and flight suits. The eagles are visited by a wise owl named Solomon who eventually convinces them to see past these beliefs and realize they were born with the only equipment they need. This leads to the first key lesson in this wonderful little book:

No negative state, no compromising or otherwise self-defeating thought or feeling, is your “original equipment.” – Click to Tweet

The first part of the book helps us see that negative thinking, fear, regret, resentment, and anxiety are not part of our true authentic self. What’s more useful is that following each key lesson are specific areas of proof, insight, and explanation. I like books that lay things out to me in an easy and logical way. [Read more…]

Self-Pity and Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

by Jared Akers

“One thing that makes it so difficult to stop feeling sorry for
ourselves is how real it feels when we are full of self-regret.”
-Guy Finley (The Courage to Be Free)

Regret, in any form, nags at our consciousness continually reminding us we’re unworthy or incapable of achieving greatness or even mediocrity.

Be it a relationship, job, school, or whatever, the regret of something we’ve either failed at accomplishing or even started, binds us to the past and keeps us in the dark unable to see the possibilities available to us.

Consumed by self-regret, we sink into a morass of self-pity and low self-esteem. Even the possibilities available to us in the present moment are overshadowed by our past regrets.

Even though it sucks—a lot!—its familiarity keeps us bound to a cycle seemingly impossible to break.

“The secret attraction behind self-pity—why it’s so hard to set down—is that the part of us that feels like nothing makes the part of us that points out this nothingness feel quite special!”
–Guy Finley (The Courage to Be Free)

We can look at two sources for the dilemma of being stuck in self-pity and feeling sorry for ourselves: lack of choice and fear.

[Read more…]

Dear Me, Here are a few suggestions to help you Save Time, Live Happier, and Avoid Stress

by Jared Akers

Dear Me (at age 15),
I recently turned 40, wow, what a ride. I can say it’s pretty amazing to feel my best years are ahead of me (God willing).

I was thinking about what I could suggest to you… possibly some things to help you save time, live happier, and avoid stress as you grow older. I know how stubborn you can be and how much you admire yourself… but I also know deep inside you’re really just scared and confused. It’s OK, we all are. Maybe that doesn’t make sense right now, but just think about it—and try to listen the best you can. Oh, and above all, know that you are loved just the way you are.

Now, on to the topic at hand… Although I like numbered lists today, I know you hate them as they are constraining, limit your artistic sense of spontaneity, and the content may get lost in your attempt to apply some type of weight or ranking based on order. So instead of a list, I’ll use bullets. You like those.

[Read more…]

101 Ways to Find Happiness

by Jared Akers

You’ve probably noticed that every self-help book and personal development blog as a “101 ways to” (fill in the blank) list. So I figured I’d come up with one on finding happiness…

Action x 101

I know, you thought you were getting an easy list to read right? Why not, I like them as well. They’re quick, easy to scan and read, make you think for a minute… but then what?

Alright, you got me, if you really want a list, stick around and read this article and I’ll give you a list at the bottom.

Regardless of the number of things on my list, most people would look it over then move onto the next list or big thing. The thing about books, blogs, and especially lists, is that simply reading them does not accomplish squat!
[Read more…]