Happiness Articles

Learning how to find happiness can certainly be a lifelong journey. But that does not mean you'll never know how to be happy long-term. It's simply a process like anything else, with peaks and valleys. But the reward can be a more consistent ride and finding a flow with less extreme highs and lows.

How to eliminate fear

by Jared Akers

Most fear is an illusion. False Evidence Appearing Real. The things that I fear are created in my mind. Most often, they are based in fear of loosing something I have, or not getting something I think I want. I stress the word think here… more often than not, what I want is not what I need. In learning how to be happy, it’s important to be able to determine the difference.

“Fear knocked at the door and faith answered. No one was there.” -Old English Proverb Click to Tweet

Fear is natural, it is meant to keep me safe. The majority of times, however, my fear is unjustified. Why? Because I fear something that has not, or may not even happen. Which is a valuable tool and lesson I learned when getting over my fear of public speaking. The fear may be based on a past experience that I’m projecting as the possible outcome of a current one. Due to unrealistic expectations, I feared the outcome because it was not what I wanted. Or at least thought I wanted… but it has always been what I needed. I just have to let it take me to where I’m supposed to be.

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Maintaining a positive attitude and rechanneling anger through perspective and practice

by Jared Akers

There are two questions I get asked a lot:
1. How do you maintain such a positive attitude?
2. How do you keep from getting angry?

Two words come to mind: Perspective and Practice.

Perspective

Perspective is something I gained through life experience and hard work.

Several years ago I was at a bottom emotionally. Life was just too hard, or so I thought at the time. I wanted to die; I was tired of trying, tired of failing. But something made me get up and try again; this time, with the desperation of a drowning man. If I didn’t find something… well I just had to find something. With the help of others, and a fearless moral inventory of myself and my past, I realized I did not treat myself well. I would not have treated someone I loved that way. I got honest, trusted people who had similar experiences, and allowed them to love me until I learned to love myself.

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Surviving Terminal Uniqueness

by Jared Akers

terminal uniqueness Emulate
tr.v., -lat·ed, -lat·ing, -lates.
1. To strive to equal or excel, especially through imitation: an older pupil whose accomplishments and style I emulated.

I once had a psychiatrist tell me, “Jared, find someone successful you admire and do what they do.” My inner voice said, “You’re full of crap lady. I’m unique, I’m going to do great things. I don’t know anyone who is going to be as successful as me.”

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What's Your Heaven Look Like?

by Jared Akers

my heaven The following scene from field of dreams always resonates with me. This is where Kevin Costner’s character Ray is asked by his father John if he’s in heaven:

John Kinsella: Is this heaven?
Ray Kinsella: It’s Iowa.
John Kinsella: Iowa? I could have sworn this was heaven.
[John starts to walk away]
Ray Kinsella: Is there a heaven?
John Kinsella: Oh yeah. It’s the place where dreams come true.
[Ray looks around, seeing his wife playing with their daughter on the porch]
Ray Kinsella: Maybe this is heaven.

For the majority of my life, I felt that “if only” I could achieve this, or obtain that, then I would be happy. And heaven? Well that was just a place I may or may not go to reflect on my life. I would deal with that then.

Ray’s heaven, and key to happiness, is a house where his wife and daughter can enjoy afternoon’s on the porch. Where he’s given the courage to follow a dream no matter how crazy others think he is. Where something inside him drives him because he knows in his heart it is true and pure; and that for him is how to be happy. It is him. Where his faith was tested and at times he considered giving up, but in the end he stuck to the truth he felt within and he discovered heaven.

My heaven is inside me today. It’s the feeling that I am human, that I need help, and if I need it today I will ask for it. Heaven is a loving wife who accepts me for who I am, and nothing else. Heaven is a loving God. Heaven is picking up the phone and listening to someone in need. But most importantly, heaven is accepting the consequences of being myself.

What’s your heaven look like?

photo credit: mlwguide

If it's uncomfortable, I should probably be doing it

by Jared Akers

For years I resisted change. If it was uncomfortable, I avoided it. After all, it was all about me.

Two rationalizations I made often:

I’m shy
I work better alone

Here’s how I see these two rationalizations today:

I’m shy

I was making everything about me, how about getting outside of myself for a minute and see where I can be of service to others. Take the elevator instead of the stairs. I wasn’t shy, I just didn’t want to have to hear about anyone else’s problems. I was selfish and self-centered (although I didn’t know it at the time).

I work better alone

I didn’t want to ask for help or depend on anyone; especially not about how to be happy. So I taught myself how to do everything. Or maybe it was just my ego not wanting anyone else to know more than me. Either way, it kept me apart from as opposed to a part of.

Today if something feels uncomfortable, I realize it’s probably an area in which I have room to grow. The overall result is after going through it, I inevitably find myself with more happiness.