Having a healthy relationship with myself

Before I was able to have true and meaningful relationships with others, I had to learn how to have a relationship with myself. That’s hard when you don’t really know yourself. Although I didn’t know what I didn’t know… you know? I realized by reviewing my past and the way I had been living, I wasn’t a very good friend to myself.

How do I continue learning about myself? Here are a few actions which help me:

  1. Prayer and Meditation
  2. Daily inventory
    Reviewing my day’s interactions with others each night before bed. Where do I need improvement? Do I need to make any apologies or ask anyone for forgiveness? Is there someone I need to forgive? Make notes and take action.
  3. Ask someone I love how I can be more of service to them and their needs.
    This can be anyone for that matter, not only a loved one but a co-worker.
  4. Identifying emotions
    When I feel a certain uneasiness, I try to identify what it is and write it down [action]. Most of the time this feeling is based in fear. But fear wears many masks so finding the reason can be difficult. As I say often, it is usually fear of losing something I think I have or not getting something I think I want. This to me is lack of faith. So one of the keys to overcoming fear is having faith.
  5. Doing something uncomfortable
    This almost always teaches me something about myself. Where my comfort zone is, is it larger or smaller, etc.. For example striking up a conversation with a total stranger. I learn several things from this: one, I’m not as introverted as I think I am and two, people are a lot friendly then I thought they were.

I can still give myself a hard time. Like mumbling under my breath “that was stupid you idiot.” If my beautiful wife Emily is within earshot, she’ll usually respond with “hey, don’t talk to my friend that way.” Now, more often then not, when my inner voice tells me I’m no good, I hear “hey don’t talk to my friend that way.” She refers to that as thrive learning sometimes.

By recognizing self-deprecation, I learn about myself. I learn to be kinder. Being kinder and more loving inwards allows me to be kinder and more loving outwards.

What do you do to learn about yourself?

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  1. says


    sO my Wild guess wasn’t even mentioned there! I’m so shocked…in case you didn’t see my TWITTER reply @thriftgirl62 to your update …how you can see them all is a mystery to me with the high numbers you keep.

    Anyway – I said to Quit lying to the one person you lie to the MOST, Yourself. Maybe people don’t know they are lying to themselves. Let me get out of the Psycho Analyst’s arena and leave this to them. I’m done!! Stay Special – the World needs you!!

  2. nobodyuknow says

    This is tough. I never learned how to appreciate myself or loving myself. I have lives with fears and discomforts that others put in me. I never saw beauty in myself or my talents or appreciate my gifts to myself. I still don’t know how to described myself, other than weak, limpy, hideous, horrible, inhumane. Because of all this, I suffered a long bout of depressions, suicides, and ptsd from childhood trauma. I was once a happy, friendly, outgoing girl. That was gone.

    • jared says

      Thanks for sharing. I can relate myself to a lot of those feelings. Especially the part about not seeing the beauty in myself. I was good at hiding behind a false outward appearance of having it all together but still insecure and full of fear.

      I read something this morning which relates well to this:

      “I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”
      – Carl Jung

      Of course just “choosing” to be happy is one step, getting there takes work. Many times, I would choose to be unhappy because I was scared that if I truly tried to be happy, that I would still fail and then I was really in trouble and left with nothing.

      I often suggest people do not try to get back to the “way things used to be.” As in your case, thinking about the happy, friendly, outgoing girl you once were. I am confident you can be so much more! Because you will have the experience of all past combined and the ability to learn and grow from it. Best of luck to you.

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