I certainly know what hopelessness feels like.
But there’s a difference between being hopeless and helpless.
If you’re feeling hopeless, that’s OK, it’s natural and something many people go through. But you’re not helpless.
Regardless of your circumstances you always have the option to ask for help, no matter what you’re going through. It’s narcissistic to think no one understands.
Some common reasons people avoid asking for help:
- We’re not aware we need it
- Fear; we see asking for help as a sign of weakness or we’re embarrassed to admit we need help
- Subconsciously we deserve to be miserable
- We’re not desperate enough
Admitting we need help does not mean we have the courage to ask for it. The fear of asking is often enough to give us a pause of such depth and weight that we consider giving up on life altogether.
Pay Attention to the Quiet Ones
A few months ago I was spending quite a bit of time reading TheSuicideProject.org.
It’s interesting to read people so openly discussing their suicide plans. In one article, the person is explaining her plan of using a modified version of the exit bag, and asks the question, “I’d be interested in hearing from someone who’s tried this method.”
Wait, wouldn’t they be dead if it worked correctly?
If the person is still around sharing their experience, they’re probably not someone you want to be taking suicide advice from. Just sayin…
Many of these people are obviously in pain and/or seeking attention—I’m not making light of that. Unfortunately, from my experience, it’s the quiet ones who are usually in the most pain; you might not even know they’re having trouble.
One day they’re just gone.
In my case, the people closest to me knew I was in trouble; even as I tried to convince them everything was OK. Yet they also knew there was nothing they could do. God bless them for trying though.
Why Suicide Can Be Attractive
The common goal of suicide is cessation of consciousness: The anguished mind of a suicidal person interprets the end of consciousness as the only way to end the suffering.
As someone who seriously considered suicide at a point in my life, I can see the attraction.
And quite honestly, there are still times when I think it would be easier to just check out. This may come as a shock to many who know me; being that I’m mostly upbeat, emotionally connected, and mentally stable.
On the flip-side, as someone who’s known others that have ended their own life, I’ve witnessed the destruction, pain, and the selfish side of suicide.
I once said that “not committing suicide may have been the first truly unselfish act I’d ever taken.”
Yet I can still see why it’s attractive. Besides the mental illness and chemical imbalance that may lead someone to take their own life, sometimes we all wonder: what’s the point?
The point is love.
Why Giving Up On Life is not the Best Option
A quote I’ve often used is Donahue’s “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
Upon thinking about my own low points, I realize this approach may not address the issue we feel in these moments. That pain is temporary.
Quite the contrary; if I perceive something to be a permanent solution, that sounds good to me.
Through healing and raising emotional intelligence, I’ve learned that emotions are temporary and can be controlled. Thankfully we’re not our emotions and through practice and learning they can be mastered.
Giving up on life is always an option, but rarely the best one.
If the time comes when it seems like you’re done, you’re tired of trying and all options have been considered and the only attractive one seems like giving up completely. Remember this: you’re not alone.
Life is made up of moments. Moments in which we’re either giving or seeking love. And even in the deepest moments when love seems infeasible, know that someone will miss you.
Someone you may not even know.
Anything is possible, until we give up.
One Thing To Make You Feel Better Today
If you’re feeling suicidal, visit SuicidePreventionLifeLine.org or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
The easiest way to feel better about self, is to get out of self.
To feel better right now: do something kind for someone else. And do it anonymously if possible.
Here are some ideas:
- Take a sandwich or your spare change to the homeless person down the street. No homeless in your area? Put $10 in someone’s mailbox.
- Call your mother. If you don’t have one, sorry. Find someone else to talk to who appreciates you. If you can’t find someone… well, then that’s part of your problem. Get out of yourself and go become part of something.
- Rake the leaves in your neighbor’s yard when they’re gone.
- Bake something for someone.
Check out 50 Good Deeds for 50 Days for more ideas.