Most fear is an illusion. False Evidence Appearing Real. The things that I fear are created in my mind. Most often, they are based in fear of loosing something I have, or not getting something I think I want. I stress the word think here… more often than not, what I want is not what I need. In learning how to be happy, it’s important to be able to determine the difference.
“Fear knocked at the door and faith answered. No one was there.” -Old English Proverb Click to Tweet
Fear is natural, it is meant to keep me safe. The majority of times, however, my fear is unjustified. Why? Because I fear something that has not, or may not even happen. Which is a valuable tool and lesson I learned when getting over my fear of public speaking. The fear may be based on a past experience that I’m projecting as the possible outcome of a current one. Due to unrealistic expectations, I feared the outcome because it was not what I wanted. Or at least thought I wanted… but it has always been what I needed. I just have to let it take me to where I’m supposed to be.
I have learned to be grateful for everything that has happened in my life. Everything, the good and bad, has contributed to who I am today. So when fear creeps up on me, I remind myself that I don’t always know what is best for me. I have faith that whatever the outcome, I can learn and grow from it.
Lack of faith and control is the cause of my fear.
So to eliminate fear, I need faith and control. That sounds good… I’ll take some of that!
Faith
When I’m living in the moment, little faith is needed. This moment is exactly what it is, no expectations, just is. Experience it, allow it to be, allow it to teach.
A definition of Faith from Webster’s:
1): firm belief in something for which there is no proof
I certainly have no proof of anything in the future. What I do have, is experience. The experience, that if I pay attention to what I’m doing right now—do the best I can in this moment and be the best human being I can be—my life is more fulfilling. I know from experience that if I help someone else, as opposed to doing something selfish, I’ll feel better about myself. I know from experience that when I do the best I can, the outcome is more acceptable, whatever it may be. By doing the best I can in each moment, I am less invested emotionally in the outcome because I have faith it will work out. So I do have faith. Faith that if I take the right action in this moment, something I have no proof of—the future—will work out the way its supposed to.
Ok, so faith… I got some of that now, what about control?
Control
Sometimes I hate dislike the saying “I have no control over people places and things.” That makes me sound like a victim. Things happen in the world around me, not to me. The key to control is, again, staying in the moment, or harnessing the power of now—are you seeing a theme here? This moment is where my actions count, the actions that create my future. So I do have some control. I have control over a lot of things actually.
An example: I’m minding my own “moment” while waiting at a red light. In front of me is a man talking on his cell phone. I’m thinking of how dangerous cell phones are while driving when the light changes to green. The gentleman continues his conversation without noticing the light has changed. I feel a little swell of anger. Now I’m “in tune” with this feeling, I’m in the moment and aware of my surroundings. So instead of anger, I switch to gratitude. I’m grateful for even having a car and home to drive to… heck I’m grateful I have two arms to hold this steering wheel! I gently honk my horn, the man waves and drives forward. I’m happy to be on my way and into the next moment.
I have control over my reaction to situations, which has an impact on my future. Suppose I would have gotten angry, yelled at the guy and flipped him off. Drove home in a fit of anger and pretty much wasted a good 30 minutes if not the entire evening. Not only did I create more misery, I missed every single moment while consumed with anger. At that point, I have lost control.
When I am in the moment, I am in reality and not creating fear out of some illusion. So to eliminate fear, stay in the moment.
Good Resources on Fear
#1. The Linden Method. Proven technique to eliminate Fear, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, OCD & Phobias
#2. OK, now I have a special treat for you, Guy Finley is an amazing spiritual and life learning teacher. I have included this great audio program from him titled A Whole Life is a Fearless Life.
(.mp3 will open in a new window – listen time is approx. 10 min)
A Whole Life is a Fearless Life – Guy Finley
If you haven’t heard of Guy Finley, you should check him out. His non-profit Life of Learning Foundation has some amazing programs and he is an great speaker. His series Secrets of Being Unstoppable really can change your life. He teaches about the “fundamental laws in the universe that govern the workings of all things.” And how you can learn “to harness the immense power of these laws to supercharge your productivity, creativity, and life energy; deepen relationships with your spouse, friends, and family; banish all forms of limitation, negativity, fear, and stress; and realize a permanent success far beyond your imagination.”
I know, it really sounds like the Holy Grail of self-improvement, and I don’t endorse just anyone; but I’ve been a fan of Guy’s for a few years now and love watching his videos and listening to his pod-casts.
I encourage you to check out his Secrets of Being Unstoppable series. Or better yet, sign up for his free Be Fearless Starter Kit.
Additionally, I would encourage you to check out the best books on Amazon dealing with fear
post photo credit: Guille.