Relationships Articles

There's no doubt that meaningful relationships bring happiness into our lives. Although at times, they can also bring sorrow and frustration. Leaning how to be happy with oneself is crucial in building health relationships with others which ultimately bring happiness into our lives.

Avoiding Family Drama Over the Holidays

by Jared Akers

Fighting Xmas Nerds The smell of turkey roasting in the oven. How wonderful. My wife and I decided to spend most of Thanksgiving day with just ourselves, here at home. It was fun getting up early, just the two of us and making the stuffing (my moms recipe). It was actually the first time I’ve ever really stuffed it inside the bird. We got a 22 lb turkey… seems awful big for just the two of us. My step-son, his wife and our granddaughter will be over later, so we’re cooking up a feast for them and ourselves. Saturday morning we leave for a week vacation in Cozumel so the kids will be staying here all week to consume the leftovers. It worked out well.

Most years we travel to see family, which can sometimes be stressful. This time of year I hear it a lot, how family stresses people out. My family usually gets together for the normal holidays, there’s only about 15 to 20 of us regulars. I come from a small family, just one sibling, so it’s pretty low key. My wife’s family is larger and she has quite a bit of experience and wisdom when it comes to dealing with family. So we put our heads together and came up with a few ideas of how best to handle family members that seem to get under our skin around the holidays. [Read more…]

Live and Let Live: 9 Ways of Letting Go

by Jared Akers

Recently I was involved in a discussion on the topic of Live and Let Live. The term live and let live can be viewed in several ways, but basically it means letting go and stop trying to control others. Let them live their lives just as you want to live yours. Guess it’s sort of back to the golden rule.

I think the Free Dictionary sums it up nicely, “to accept other people as they are, although they may have a different way of life”

The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear someone say “live and let live” is the song “Live and Let Die” by Gun’s and Rose’s. I know it was originally performed by Paul McCartney and Wings for the James Bond film, but that’s where my head goes. But the next place it goes is the Serenity Prayer:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

For me, this prayer and mindset can be used in almost any situation. So my list of 9 ways could simply be, say this prayer 9 times. But that’s too easy, so here’s a list of ways you can practice live and let live: [Read more…]

Baby Steps: Climbing Mountains One Action at a Time

by Jared Akers

For the last several years I have been speaking once a month at a drug and rehab center; the same one which I had been a patient myself for alcohol. On the third Sunday of every month I would make the 1 1/2 hour drive to the center and speak for an hour. I would talk about my life, play some songs I’d written, and share my experience, strength, and hope.

I would share what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. Last month was my last time speaking. At least for now. I decided to quit and give someone else a chance to fill my slot. I struggled with the decision for a while, but prayed about it often. It has been a really important part of my recovery.

Last Sunday would have been my weekend, and I didn’t even realize it until Monday morning. Probably because I spent Sunday afternoon with my wife, step-son and daughter, and our beautiful granddaughter. It is so amazing what the smile of a child can do.

I remember sitting there when I was a patient, listening to speakers like myself, and hearing them talk about how bad it had been, what happened, and how amazing their life had become. I would take notes. Could that possibly happen for me?

I really couldn’t relate, my life was such a mess and I was just struggling to find a reason to live. I used the power of now often, just looking around at where I was, concentrating on the fact that in that moment, I was alive and OK. Never mind the piles of bills I had accumulated, the wreckage I had caused in other peoples lives, plus no job and no place to live when I got out of treatment.

I learned to just concentrate on what I could do that day. “So then, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own” (Mathew 6:34). I was really forced into each moment, simply to survive. My counselor, bless her heart, helped me so much. She offered a simple suggestion of making a list.

A list of all the things I was worried about. So I wrote down things like; call Ford to see about getting out of my lease, find a place to live, ask for help with income tax, etc. Each day I would look at the list and ask: Is there something on here I can take action on today? If YES, I would take the action; if NO, I would put it out of my mind and go on with my day. [Read more…]

Enhance Relationships With the 90 Second Rule

by Jared Akers

You’ve been at the office all day, as soon as you get home and walk in the door, you’re immediately hit with a dozen questions by a loved one. How do you react? What’s your initial feeling inside? If you’re like me, you can sometimes feel a little… annoyed. Although I don’t really like that word—annoyed—because it seems a little self-righteous. Sort of like the word tolerance—like I am so much better, that it’s my “duty” to tolerate people. In my opinion, if I’m tolerating something, I’m coming from a place of being better than and not equal to. So I need to watch that. If I’m truly in a serene and place of inner-peace, nothing can throw me off. Although when a deer almost ran across the road in front of me on the way home from the gym the other night, that pretty much threw me off.

Part of the St. Francis Prayer is, “Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted – to understand, than to be understood – to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.” That means try to understand that maybe the person is excited to see you, has been thinking about these things all day and wants your opinion—or just to listen. Likewise, if you’re the one asking all the questions, try understanding that your loved may like to slowly unwind when they get home. But by all means, PAY ATTENTION TO ONE ANOTHER! Especially in the first 90 seconds. [Read more…]

Learning My Fathers Love Language

by Jared Akers

These days when I talk to my father, he says I Love You. I do not have many memories of him saying that when I was younger, although I’m sure he did. Honestly, I only think he says it now as a response when I say it. However, my father says I love you in many other ways, I just needed to learn his love language.

Last Saturday I was sitting by the pool reading Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. Anne talks about getting into the moment and seeing things for what they are, simple and pure and getting outside of ourselves.

[Read more…]