Relationships Articles

There's no doubt that meaningful relationships bring happiness into our lives. Although at times, they can also bring sorrow and frustration. Leaning how to be happy with oneself is crucial in building health relationships with others which ultimately bring happiness into our lives.

Maintaining a positive attitude and rechanneling anger through perspective and practice

by Jared Akers

There are two questions I get asked a lot:
1. How do you maintain such a positive attitude?
2. How do you keep from getting angry?

Two words come to mind: Perspective and Practice.

Perspective

Perspective is something I gained through life experience and hard work.

Several years ago I was at a bottom emotionally. Life was just too hard, or so I thought at the time. I wanted to die; I was tired of trying, tired of failing. But something made me get up and try again; this time, with the desperation of a drowning man. If I didn’t find something… well I just had to find something. With the help of others, and a fearless moral inventory of myself and my past, I realized I did not treat myself well. I would not have treated someone I loved that way. I got honest, trusted people who had similar experiences, and allowed them to love me until I learned to love myself.

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How to Remember Today Years From Now

by Jared Akers

remember today It was a beautiful summer day in 2007. My girlfriend (now my wife) and I were visiting her son and his wife. They own a small house in a rural town about twenty minutes away. It was to be a short visit, just to drop off a paint sprayer we bought for them. They were in the process of painting their house and this was sort of our way of getting out of helping—by purchasing them a nice paint sprayer (at least that’s the way my selfish brain saw it). I had visions of spending the rest of the afternoon lounging by our pool doing nothing. It was going to be great.

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A simple Thank You is fine

by Jared Akers

When someone gives me a gift, I should accept it. A compliment is a gift. When someone says, “you look nice today,” the correct response is “Thank You.” Not “well I don’t wear this shirt that often, it really needs ironed and my belt doesn’t actually match my shoes.” Self-deprecation is rooted in self, and it is still selfish.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.
– unknown

I used to think by declining a gift, I was being humble, “oh no, I really can’t accept that.” When I deflect a compliment, or a gift, not only am I being selfish, I’m robbing the person of the gift of giving.

So next time someone offers you a gift or a compliment, a simple “Thank You” is fine.

photo credit: psd

Having a healthy relationship with myself

by Jared Akers

Before I was able to have true and meaningful relationships with others, I had to learn how to have a relationship with myself. That’s hard when you don’t really know yourself. Although I didn’t know what I didn’t know… you know? I realized by reviewing my past and the way I had been living, I wasn’t a very good friend to myself.

How do I continue learning about myself? Here are a few actions which help me:

Prayer and Meditation
Daily inventory
Reviewing my day’s interactions with others each night before bed. Where do I need improvement? Do I need to make any apologies or ask anyone for forgiveness? Is there someone I need to forgive? Make notes and take action.
Ask someone I love how I can be more of service to them and their needs.
This can be anyone for that matter, not only a loved one but a co-worker.
Identifying emotions
When I feel a certain uneasiness, I try to identify what it is and write it down [action]. Most of the time this feeling is based in fear. But fear wears many masks so finding the reason can be difficult. As I say often, it is usually fear of losing something I think I have or not getting something I think I want. This to me is lack of faith. So one of the keys to overcoming fear is having faith.
Doing something uncomfortable
This almost always teaches me something about myself. Where my comfort zone is, is it larger or smaller, etc.. For example striking up a conversation with a total stranger. I learn several things from this: one, I’m not as introverted as I think I am and two, people are a lot friendly then I thought they were.

I can still give myself a hard time. Like mumbling under my breath “that was stupid you idiot.” If my beautiful wife Emily is within earshot, she’ll usually respond with “hey, don’t talk to my friend that way.” Now, more often then not, when my inner voice tells me I’m no good, I hear “hey don’t talk to my friend that way.” She refers to that as thrive learning sometimes.

By recognizing self-deprecation, I learn about myself. I learn to be kinder. Being kinder and more loving inwards allows me to be kinder and more loving outwards.

What do you do to learn about yourself?

Where I’m supposed to be

by Jared Akers

Yesterday, after my morning prayer & meditation, I wrote down a passage from “The Christmas Sweater” by Glenn Beck. I wrote it down to share with a group of people I would be speaking to that afternoon. The passage is dialog between little Eddie, the main character, and his mother. Eddie is upset about his fathers recent death and not getting the bike he wanted for Christmas. Below is what I wrote on a piece of paper and shoved in the back pocket of my jeans.

Page 108 of The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck

“I know that things have been hard since Dad died. But it’s been hard for both of us. At some point you have to realize that everything happens for a reason. It is up to you to find that reason, learn from it, and let it take you to the place you’re supposed to be—not just where you have ended up.” “…you can either complain about how hard your life is, or you can realize that only you are responsible for it. You get to choose: Am I going to be happy or miserable? And nothing—not a sweater, and certainly not a bike—will ever change that.” [Read more…]