As you mentioned, you are good with the first three steps and part of that is identifying what you need to change. Now, with that said, sometimes (most often) what we want to change may not necessarily be what we need to change. For example, I had a guy who I was coaching and asked him the question, “if you could imagine yourself a year from now, how would you want to be?”

It’s important that when doing this we’re talking about character traits, not so much professional or financial goals. He’s response was, “I want to be more selfless or altruistic.” I thought that was a good answer and one I had for myself as well. The point is that most people may look at this goal and simply think they need to start thinking less of themselves and giving more time and attention to others. To an extent that is true, but you just can’t “say” you’re going to do that and start doing it. It may help somewhat, but in the end you’re just making temporary changes that are no different then buying a new TV to feel happy. It’s temporary and then you’re onto the next thing to satisfy that need. It’s a lot deeper than that. True selflessness comes from sincere love for others well being, a love which cannot be found unless we can identify and relate to it within ourselves.

The point to all this in regards to your question is that once you identify what you need, it helps tremendously to have someone give you a different perspective on how to achieve that. Self-searching is meant to search your inner-self and question what your motives are and truly find those things that are hindering your progress to where you want to go; AS well as those character traits that are valuable and can help you. Although the term “self-searching” implies we do it ourselves, (in my experience) it’s nearly impossible to do alone. After all, my mind is only capable of asking questions to itself that is in its best interest – I need someone to help me discover things I couldn’t on my own. That is why I strongly suggest a teacher, counselor, spiritual coach, or something similar. Someone who will help you find out about yourself and will give you tough questions and answers. Unless you live alone in the mountains somewhere, it needs to be physical in nature. Meaning sitting and talking, feeling uncomfortable in the presence of revealing yourself truly to another. That promotes humility and honest self-appraisal. As we work through these uncomfortable feelings and experiences with another, we also gain the sense of belonging and being connected; that we’re not truly “that” unique in our emotions.

The action part in all of this is simply taking part in your own recovery; however you define recovery (whether it be from unhealthy relationship, addiction, etc.). Asking for help is action, you posting this comment was an action. The confession and atonement parts are about ridding ourselves of our secrets (yet obviously we don’t do this if it will harm someone else). We never make ourselves feel better at someone elses expense. The real KEY to all of this and part that really made me realize how much I sabotage myself, was that by getting these things out into the light (sharing them with someone else) I see how they’ve been swirling in my head over and over for years. Feeding of themselves and getting all tangled up and taking on lives, meaning, and powers of their own. By getting them out and sharing them, talking about them, deciding what is and isn’t something we need to deal with, we realize many of them have (over the years) turned into something they never were to begin with. Things like excuses, victimization, unworthiness, fear, etc. Someone else has the ability to be unattached to these things and can help us see them in a new light and perspective – whether we want to hear it or not.

A lot of times we fear getting rid of these things because, without them, who would we be then? Our lives can become so consumed and revolve around who we think we are (from all these past experiences) that we fear who we want to be. Like I discuss in “Surrender and Giving Up on The Life You Dreamed Of“, you have to let go of the life you dreamed of to find the life that’s waiting for you.

In conclusion, ask for help (find someone who you can physically talk to like a counselor or spiritual/life coach.) And the action part just means keep moving, keep searching, do things that are uncomfortable and be willing to take action even when you don’t want to.

I hope this helps and good luck in your journey.

Very nice article.
I have few questions. I have no personal coach or guru or counselor.

I am aware that I am not satisfied with what I am doing and I want to do something else which gives me that. I do accept the deficiencies within me and lastly identification too.

I am good with the first 3 steps, but I am not sure how I should proceed with the Self Searching, Confession & Action most importantly.

Any advise will I get on the Self Searching & Action part?