Ah, the question everyone wants to know, how to achieve happiness? Let us first look at what the word achieve means:

achieve: to bring to a successful end; carry through; accomplish

This is the most common mistake when people set out to find happiness in their lives, they set out under the allusion that they can accomplish it like finishing a novel or building a shed. It’s not quite that easy yet it can still be found through hard work. Achieving happiness is done through looking within ourselves and finding what truly brings us joy in our lives.

Sit back and think about times in your life when you were truly happy. Chances are you haven’t thought of them much lately if you’re here, searching for information on achieving happiness. Learning how to achieve happiness starts with the willingness to really know yourself. Much like trying to purchase a Christmas gift for a friend you don’t know all that well, it’s hard! The same can be applied to yourself. How well do you really know yourself and what can you achieve that will bring you happiness?

The majority of things we seek to make us happy are not what we truly need for long-lasting peace of mind and happiness. When you really look at it, we all want pretty much the same things… which has nothing to do with “things.” We want to be loved and accepted. So why then do we constantly try to achieve happiness through material things? For one reason, it’s a hell of a lot easier! After all, who wants to get to know themselves intimately and truly unlocking fears, regrets, and resentments? Most wouldn’t think that sounds like achieving happiness at all but more of creating misery by digging up skeletons. Yet it’s the very skeletons that continue to keep coming up and reaching in our pockets for the next big thing; the next thing to make us happy.

As long as we’re not happy with ourselves, we’re never really going to achieve happiness. I refer to this concept all the time here at How To Find Happiness; happiness is a by-product of right living. Sure right living can be subjective, but deep inside us all (unless we suffer some mental illness) we have a moral compass that nudges us towards right living. Even with that moral compass, we do a grand job of squashing it’s influence or silencing it with denial, material things, addictions, and unhealthy behavior.

The How of achieving happiness is self-love and acceptance. As we learn to accept the consequences of being ourselves, we’re effected less by outside sources. Achieving happiness is not the goal so much as self-acceptance and realizing that everything we need to be happy is already within us. Think about it, if we’re not relying on outside sources anymore for happiness, wouldn’t it be possible to create our happy life no matter what our circumstances are?

Early in my life I reached a childhood dream of becoming a zookeeper (more specifically a primate keeper). Yes, many of you may have read this about me already… but the fact is, I was really happy for several years. Why wouldn’t I be happy getting to take care of chimpanzee’s, spider monkey’s and all types of primates every day? I just knew this was going to be what I did for the rest of my life; so sure, I wrote an article that was featured in a zoo-keeping magazine. I still have several copies saved at home in a box somewhere. However, a few years into that job and I got bored, I just woke up one day and was extremely unsatisfied with my life. This feeling hit me hard as I realized my entire life was going to be this way, chasing after things providing only temporary happiness. This was about the time that I started associating having fun with achieving happiness.

Having fun and continued happiness are not necessarily the same thing. Fun is temporary while true happiness comes from peace of mind and inner-peace. As the result of severe emotional and spiritual pain and suffering, I was forced out of desperation to re-define my life and what happiness meant. That was when I set out to find what achieving happiness really meant. The first step was admitting I didn’t know crappola about true happiness and finding some people that did.

I discovered through a long spiritual and emotional healing and self-discovery process, that I wasn’t really happy or accepting of myself. I went back over my life and all the things I had ever done to myself and others and really took inventory of what my life had been. I learned that in order to know where I was going and to achieve happiness, I had to know where I’d been. What I realized is that I had some really good qualities and character traits that could assist me in finding happiness in my life. It’s sort of like taking inventory of products in a store, you need to know what is selling and to keep and what things are just taking up shelf space. We all have some really good traits and qualities that can assist us in achieving happiness, we just need to be able to see them as assets and not liabilities. It takes practice, help, and getting to know oneself in order to turn liabilities into assets, but it can be done.

Many people believe that life is something to be endured and not enjoyed; that happiness is fleeting and an illusion. I can relate to how these people feel as I once felt that way myself. There are still times in my life when I feel not as happy as usual; but I also know that I’ve worked towards a happy life and from experience I know that “this too shall pass.” For instance when my father passed away suddenly a few months ago. I had never been through something like that before so there were emotions I had never quite felt or dealt with. I knew deep inside everything was/is fundamentally OK, but there are these moments I feel fear or sadness. One thing that helps me in these times is to focus on gratitude. I change my perspective from sadness to gratitude for all the wonderful years I had with my father; especially the last few years as I grew spiritually and learned to accept the reality of our relationship with each other. Since March 12th of 2006 when I was at a bottom emotionally, physically, and spiritually, I’ve dedicated my life to finding the ingredients to achieving happiness. Almost all of the techniques I’ve learned to help me find happiness in everyday living came from spiritual coaching and the simple act of asking for help. The concept is easy really, find someone who seems to have achieved the happiness you want and emulate them.

Years ago when I was struggling with depression and destructive behavior, I had a psychiatrist suggest to me, “Jared, you just need to find someone you admire and respect and simply emulate what they do.” I remember thinking “lady you’re crazy, I’m my own person and there just isn’t anyone out there as unique and great as me.” Yeah, pretty stupid, me calling the shrink crazy. The truth is, she was right! It really is that easy, finding someone who has something you want (spiritually, emotionally, even financially) and simply ask them to show you how they got there. Sure they may say no, but they sure can’t deny you the right to observe or at least (in a non-stalker sort of way) research how they’ve become successful or happy. Chances are, if achieving happiness is your goal, and you find someone who is happy, they’ll be delighted to share with you how they became that way. I know I sure enjoy sharing how I achieved happiness, which is pretty evident by the length of this article apparently.

Just like building a house or digging a hole, happiness is something you can achieve if you set your mind to it. However, it is not done the way most of us have been trying for years. Happiness is achieved through self-acceptance, love, and building healthy relationships. Happiness is finding love, purpose, and gratitude in every moment possible each and every day. If you’re into studies and statistics, I suggest you check out the article What Makes Us Happy?

If you’re still reading this, I commend you for hanging in there, I know this is a really long article; but hey, achieving happiness is no simple task!

Be sure to sign up anywhere on this site to get your free report, How to Be Happy Now and access to my Happiness newsletter. Again, thank you for stopping by and taking time out of your life to read this.

How to Achieve Happiness is a post from: How To Be Happy
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter to receive my free eBook "How To Be Happy Now!" CLICK HERE to sign up!

You’ve probably noticed that every self-help book and personal development blog as a “101 ways to” (fill in the blank) list. So I figured I’d come up with one on finding happiness…

Action x 101

101 Ways to Find Happiness is a post from: How To Be Happy
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter to receive my free eBook "How To Be Happy Now!" CLICK HERE to sign up!

NOTE: I wrote this article on June 27th, 2010  prior to Goodbye for now, Dad

As many of you know, I’ve been through some shyt in my life. Of which I have come out on the other side full of inner-peace and happiness. Thus the tag line matching calamity with serenity: the ability to maintain inner-peace and serenity regardless of life’s circumstances.

This is where the rubber hits the road.

June 26th, 1:30 P.M.
I’m sitting next to my mother on a small couch as we wait for the surgeon. We’ve arranged the chairs in a semi-circle with my aunt, uncle, wife, and mother facing the empty chair where the surgeon will sit. Where he will explain the results of a biopsy they did of a lump on my fathers neck. I already know the results. The day before they found 5 tumors in his brain. Cancer. Logic tells me that’s not where it originated.

The surgeon comes in and sits down, he starts to explain the bad news. I watch his lips move and hear his voice and understand what he’s saying, but I’m not in my own body anymore. I’ve seen this movie before, it’s a sad one. Yet for some reason, no tears seem to come. I hear my mother say, “it’s in God’s hands now.” I think to myself, “it’s always been in God’s hands.” The thought brings some peace to my heart in the moment. I love my mother so much. We’re so alike. After the surgeon leaves I hear “it’s OK to break down now” as everyone else seems to let go of their emotions. I just sit there, watching… I’ve seen this movie before.

My mother and I walk next to my father as he’s wheeled back to his room. Still a little groggy from surgery, he asks “is it cancer?” I look him in the eye and answer “yes it is.” As of this writing we know the cancer originated in the lungs, that it is incurable, and that they are reviewing treatment options. The rest of this story is yet to be written.

I’ve cried some and reflected a lot the last few days. I love my dad and I know he loves me. The reality is, we’re all dying. Most of us just assume it will be later rather than sooner. None of us really know; so make each moment count. I haven’t cried that much, not as much as one would think. But then I realize he’s still here and I can talk to him on the phone anytime I want. Plus my parents only live an hour and a half away; I’m lucky.

These are the moments I’ll reflect on in the years to come. Did I do the right thing or is there anything I would have done differently? The gift is to be emotionally present and feel the diverse emotions entirely. At times I do feel a little numb or that I’m watching a sad movie, yet I am grateful for the ability to feel emotions at all. And again, I’m reminded that we’re all dying and that all my family members are still alive.

One priceless gift I’ve learned through my spiritual journey—especially now—is the ability to recognize the important moments in life: All of them.

I know deep inside that everything is going to be OK. I’m able to maintain a sense of inner-peace and serenity for the most part. There are short periods of time when I feel lost, gloomy, or confused emotionally. It’s at these times that I pray and meditate more, stay connected with my support group and remind myself this too shall pass. I know at times it’s really going to suck; although I can remind myself that right now in this moment, everything is OK.

This is the moment I’ve been training for; I just hope I’m ready coach.

Spiritual Training and Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos

Law enforcement, fireman, military, medical professionals, etc., are subjected to intense physical and mental training. The goal is that when the time comes for them to perform, they intuitively know how to react in a way which may save the lives of their fellows or themselves.

Likewise, by putting deposits into our spiritual bank account we’re hoping to have something to draw upon when the crap hits the fan. As long as we’re breathing there’s crap out there just looking for a fan. Thus the importance and practicality of prayer and meditation. It truly is a way to help us become prepared for times of conflict within ourselves and the world around us.

Some may refer to this as being a “spiritual warrior.” I’ve decided I really don’t like that term; it’s a contradiction. The roots of my spiritual growth are love and forgiveness which doesn’t really jive with the word warrior.

Chaos can be anything that doesn’t fit into the little box we consider to be our manageable life. Maybe it’s emotions we’re not used to feeling or a change in our environment, career, or relationship. Whatever the chaos may be, there can be inner-peace since our happiness and serenity are not contingent on external sources or circumstances. This serenity can get thrown off for a short period of time when we’re faced with new emotions and/or challenges, but if we’ve done the work, we fall back on our training and intuitively know what to do.

It’s OK to fall apart; yet sometimes we need others to remind us of that. However, I don’t want to force emotions which aren’t quite there yet. Maybe I’m in shock, maybe I’m just grateful for the time I do get to spend with my dad. I just know that whatever I’m feeling in each moment, that’s OK and I need to feel it.

Emotions are neither good or bad, they’re just emotions. If you’re feeling a certain way (emotion), then it’s valid; never let anyone tell you otherwise. “You shouldn’t feel that way” is like telling a river it shouldn’t flow towards the sea. The key is learning how to identify the underlying cause. In most cases, the cause is fear stemming from the perception that we’re lacking love in some way; either of ourselves or from others.

If our spiritual training is routine, comfortable, and ingrained, it can provide us some security and comfort (peace) during stressful times. Others from outside may wonder why you’re not a wreck, or you may watch others become basket cases. Yet by falling apart, I’m making it all about me aren’t I? I don’t know, I get confused sometimes on what I should be feeling… I know, I just said emotions are neither good or bad right?

One realization I did have is it’s not my job to make my father right with God and his place in the world. That’s his job. My job is to be a son. A light of sunshine and life when others only see sadness. Although I must allow others to deal with the process the best they know how. As my good friend said, “death is both a sad and a beautiful process.” I can see that now, but we’ll see where I’m at in a few months.

Thanks for stopping by.

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Matching Calamity with Serenity: Spiritual Training and Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos is a post from: How To Be Happy
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter to receive my free eBook "How To Be Happy Now!" CLICK HERE to sign up!

Regardless of whether or not you believe in God, higher power, creator of the universe, etc.,  you can still be a spiritual person. Whether you realize it or not, you probably practice spirituality without even knowing it. The simple fact that you’re here reading this implies you’re seeking something. Welcome.

Maybe you’re wondering how one becomes spiritual or what the benefits are of being a spiritual person.

The definition of spirituality is that which relates to or affects the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things. Spirituality touches that part of you that is not dependent on material things or physical comforts.
- Living Words of Wisdom

Sounds good to me

A Glimpse into the Practicality of Belief

My family attended church every Sunday until I was about 6 years old; so I was told and vaguely remember craft time in Sunday school. We then moved 60 miles away to “the farm;” away from town, churches, and the routine of going to church. My father’s dream was to farm. And he did for many years until we had to sell the farm and move to the city when I was in junior high. Well, “city” for me had a population of 3,000. The point is that spirituality or church (which meant the same thing to me) was not a part of our daily lives; but work was. However my mother has always been a women of faith.

I know we had a bible in the house because when I was around ten years old my mother found me under the kitchen table reading it during a bad storm. Living in rural Kansas, tornado’s were common and something my dad enjoyed… observing. I remember one steamy summer evening standing next to him on the front porch watching the clouds swirl above our house like an angry toilet bowl. I asked him if he was scared to which he answered, “It doesn’t look good.” I guess at ten years old I felt I still had some un-finished business with the man upstairs. That’s when my mother found me reading scripture under the table.

Growing up I had no reason to really think about or consider God or spirituality. Honestly, I thought it was something people used to make themselves feel better. I do recall loving nature and the wonders of the outdoors. No matter where we lived, my favorite spot was the top of the highest tree where I would sit for hours and contemplate earth’s beauty and observe the wonders of nature.

Religion is for those who are afraid of going to hell, spirituality is for those who have been there.
-Bonnie Riatt

When I was twenty two my grandfather passed away. I remember him being one of the happiest souls I’d known in my inexperienced life. His hickory stripped overalls always hid something fascinating; like a pocket watch and the chain that snuck into the bib pocket just begging us to pull on it. I loved the way he’d say “hot diggity” while slapping his knee, making it impossible to not jump in his lap.

When my grandfather passed, I had a hard time grasping the concept of someone you love being there one day and gone the next. The idea that I would never see him again was difficult to wrap my head around. That was my first glimpse into the possible benefit of religion, spirituality, or a deeper belief system. A reason to believe in something outside of myself and the physical world I lived in. People would say, “He’s with God now and resting…he’s in a better place.” All the time I was thinking, “Good for them, I think that’s nice they try to convince themselves he’s in heaven to make them feel better.” I remember thinking; I wish I could feel better. For the first time I entertained the idea of searching for something to believe in outside of myself. My reasoning was; if it makes us feel better, why not? It would be a fleeting glimpse however as I set out to conquer and dazzle the world with my amazing abilities and charisma. Deep down in my core I believed there was nothing out there beyond what I could see or touch; so I’d better go get as much of it as I could.

Fourteen years later I realized I would need to believe in something besides myself if I wanted to live. Me wasn’t working out the way I had planned. It was then—out of desperation—I went searching for a different way to live; what I found was spirituality.

Spirituality: Believing vs. Knowing

Recently due to an illness in our family, I’m reminded again—up close and personal—of our mortality. The experience reminds me of what I felt as a twenty two year old and my grandfather’s death. Moreover, will all the work I’ve done and spiritual progress I’ve made since, help me when I need it the most? Or am I just preparing to shield myself from reality when something really tragic happens?

Do I really believe or know everything will be OK?

At this stage in my spiritual journey I mostly believe. But as I experience more of life and remain conscious throughout each experience—allowing them to take me to where I’m supposed to be—I begin to know.

Early in my spiritual journey I believed certain things because I witnessed them happening in the lives of others. The seed began with the simple belief that—if it could happen for them—maybe it could happen for me. Things like practical prayer; that by praying for others more than myself, I was consciously thinking of others more and I would eventually become less selfish. Moreover, I began to witness others go through tragic experiences while maintaining a sense of inner-peace and serenity.

Just because we believe in some higher power or become spiritual does not mean we avoid suffering or pain. Quite contrary, Buddhism suggests that suffering is an essential part of life. From Mindfulness in Plain English (Amazon):

The essence of life is suffering, said the Buddha. At first glance this seems exceedingly morbid and pessimistic. It even seems untrue. After all, there are plenty of times when we are happy. Aren’t there? No, there are not. It just seems that way. Take any moment when you feel really fulfilled and examine it closely. Down under the joy, you will find that subtle, all-pervasive undercurrent of tension, that no matter how great the moment is, it is going to end. No matter how much you just gained, you are either going to lose some of it or spend the rest of your days guarding what you have got and scheming how to get more. And in the end, you are going to die. In the end, you lose everything. It is all transitory.

The key for spirituality is to learn how to manifest an underlying belief system that is based on experience and keeps us in the moment.

So the key to managing suffering is to discover this thing called spirituality and the ability to match calamity with serenity. Working towards inner-peace and the ability to stay as present in each moment as possible. We begin to realize the spiritual power of now.

Anyone, regardless of beliefs, can practice spirituality. In essence, spirituality is a quest for self-transformation; sometimes called new age spirituality.

New age spirituality is the development of individual personal spiritual experiences. It is not any one specific philosophy, or set of religious beliefs. It is a journey through many paths and practices that leads to self-discovery.

It is people discovering their own power, taking responsibility for their lives, and recognizing that we are all one in the grand universal scheme.
-New Age Spirituality at Living Words of Wisdom

6 Ways You Can Practice Spirituality

1. Learning the True Nature of Self

By looking deep inside ourselves, we begin to understand how we operate. We can take a close look at our fears—rejection, abandonment, failure, success—and things which throw us off balance. Then we’re able to search for the cause in underlying emotions.

The truth is most people find the same things underneath; further evidence that we’re all linked in one form or another and are more similar than our ego would have us believe.

As we learn more about ourselves, we’re better equipped to understand others. This leads to open mindedness, forgiveness, and empathy.

2. Make a Choice

Self-transformation begins with a choice, a decision to seek a more spiritual life.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear
-Buddhist Proverb

The fact that you’re reading this means you’re seeking something. We all have to start somewhere. The important thing is to keep searching until you find something that makes sense to you. The choice is yours, take what you need and leave the rest.

3. Self-Help/Personal Development

Have you checked out the self-help or personal development section at your local book store lately? It’s packed full of all sorts of topics; many of which touch on spirituality in one form or another. One book I highly recommend and read often is There’s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem (Amazon) by Wayne Dyer.

4. Meditation

There are many forms of meditation, find one that works for you. Try to keep it simple in the beginning until you find something that works. Check out my post, Mindfulness and the Benefits of Meditation.

5. Ask for Guidance

Find someone who has something you want (spiritually) and ask them how they got there. There are spiritual coaches and programs which help people live more spiritual lives. Again, it’s important to find something that makes sense to you; listen to your gut.

Personal development guru Steve Pavlina says in his article How To Graduate From Christianity, “When you see enforcement based on the promise of rewards and punishments, you’re not witnessing real truth. You’re witnessing marketing masquerading as truth.”

6. Exercise

Spirituality has nothing to do with materialism or our physical comforts; it touches on mind, body, and spirit. As the other 5 points deal mostly with mind and spirit, exercising the body is spiritual.

Once you start taking care of your mind and spirit, you’ll intuitively want to live a healthier lifestyle physically.

Most people cannot deny the power behind a healthy body, mind, and spirit. It sort of reminds me of my first car; a maroon Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme Classic. It was a project car of a nearby high school. It looked cool as hell but the engine was crap! It doesn’t matter how good you look if you can’t get to where you need to go.

What are some ways you practice spirituality?

photo credit: alicepopkorn

Spirituality for Non-Spiritual People: 6 Ways to Practice Spirituality is a post from: How To Be Happy
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter to receive my free eBook "How To Be Happy Now!" CLICK HERE to sign up!

Many people view happiness as subjective; that it can be different for everyone and thus impossible to develop a “one size fits all” approach to finding happiness. Yet it seems deep down inside everyone I’ve met and worked with, there’s something deeper and more common then we think in all of us; the yearning for peace of mind.

We’ve all heard the statement, “you can’t buy happiness.” Some of us, myself included, have often responded with something like, “that’s something only rich people say,” or “give me a million and let me try!” Even though we may believe this statement to be true, we still attempt to find happiness through monetary rewards or material possessions don’t we? I’m one freakin’ happy guy I think, yet there are times when I still struggle with wanting new things. The latest is a new road bike.

The difference today is I just get more creative at rationalizing things. However, I am more aware of my motives today; before I spend my hard earned money on something I really ask myself if it’s something I need. More often then not, I end up putting stuff back on the shelf.

My point is that through self-knowledge and enlightenment, getting to know our true authentic self, we are better able to see our motives in all aspects of life. And better yet, we’re better equipped to understand that we really can’t buy happiness. That all we really want deep down is some inner-peace and an overall feeling that everything is going to be OK.

The reason why we continue to fall back into materialistic thinking is… it’s just so darn easy. Society is constantly telling us we need this or that in order to fit in, be popular, or even have happiness. Generally people want the easy way out; who wouldn’t? In the rat race of society, who has the time to stop, meditate, and listen to their inner-self and what our true needs and/or motives are? However, anyone I know that is truly happy consistently works towards inner-peace through self-enlightenment and knowledge.

I can honestly say that the more time I spend taking care of self (exercising, meditating, praying, resting, etc.) the happier I am. That may sound a little selfish, but the healthier our relationship is with self, the more we have to offer others.

Another thing that really makes me happy is giving stuff away. A few months ago, author Guy Finley sent me a copy of his new book, The Courage to be Free: Discovering Your Original Fearless Self (Amazon). I’ve always been a big fan of his and truly loved this book. One of the reasons is because it’s only 114 pages long but packed with great wisdom and things I’ll refer to for years!

I liked the book so much I purchased 2 more copies to give away. (Actually, my mother gave me a Visa gift card for my birthday last month and I used that to purchase some extra copies. Hey, you gotta give it away to keep it right!).

So here’s the deal, simply leave a comment (scroll down to where it says, “Leave a Comment”) at the bottom of this post finishing the sentence, “Happiness is…” and that will enter you for a chance to win a free copy of The Courage to be Free: Discover Your Original Fearless Self by Guy Finley.

Now for the rules and way the contest will work:

• Comment must be posted by 11:59 P.M. U.S. CST on September 7th 2010.
• Names will be placed in a randomizer and two winners will be chosen.
• Since I’ll contact the winners by email, you must use a valid email address.
• If a winner does not respond within 48 hours of the email being sent, I’ll select another winner from the list.

I’ll get everyone started with a few of my own:

Happiness is Taking a long walk off a short pier… (just kidding)
No, but seriously here is a list I came up with to get everyone started:

• Happiness is a breezy Sunday afternoon by the pool with a good book
• Happiness is a dog licking your face
• Happiness is my granddaughters laughter
• Happiness is a bike ride along my favorite trail
• Happiness is an evening run in the rain
• Happiness is a good book

Remember, comments must be posted by 11:59 P.M. U.S. CST on September 7th 2010

Congratulations to Vasantha and Kim for winning copies of this great little book!

So to recap, just leave a comment finishing the sentence: Happiness is…

Oh, and commenting more than once won’t increase you chances to win, but feel free to make your comment as long as you like!

Happiness Is… is a post from: How To Be Happy
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter to receive my free eBook "How To Be Happy Now!" CLICK HERE to sign up!

The term “recipe for happiness” is interesting… as if you can put in certain ingredients; throw it in the oven at 350 degrees for 30 minutes and out pops happiness. Sort of like those cooking shows we’ve all seen where they put the dish in the oven and pull the finished product out of the one below it. Could finding happiness really be that easy?

Making Your Happiness Cake

Like any great cake, it starts with great ingredients; what are the ingredients you think we need in our happiness cake? Here are my suggestions:

• 1 Cup Inner Peace
• 1 Cup of Spirituality
• 1 Cup of a Realistic Perspective of Yourself
• 1 Cup of Gratitude
• A Sprinkle of Service Work

What do you think, sound like a good list of ingredients? Initially I struggled with the amount of each ingredient we need in our happiness cake, but think they are all equally important; at least for total long-lasting happiness. As for the sprinkle of service work, well, when we’re really happy with our lives and full of gratitude, there’s no better way to hold on to that happiness and gratitude then by giving it away. There really is no other feeling like helping out someone else. But don’t confuse service work with taking care of others at the expense of your own happiness and serenity. As the saying goes, “you can’t give away something you don’t have.

So is the recipe for happiness really as easy as simply finding these ingredients and incorporating them into our lives? Honestly, I really think it is. But the “rub” (if you want to call it that) is finding these ingredients in our pantry. We obviously can’t buy any of these… or at least all the years I spent trying never seemed to work. So how do we get these ingredients for happiness into our pantry? Let’s look at a few practical ways to find each one.

Inner Peace

Inner peace comes from having a realistic sense of self; a self that makes us comfortable with who we are and how we’re living our lives. I say “realistic” because for years the idea of who I was or what my life was about wasn’t really based in reality. Let me explain.

I always thought I was a very loving and caring person; key word here being “thought.” I never set out to intentionally hurt anyone, but in contrast to how I live now, I was pretty selfish and self-centered. I was always having grand ideas of getting my girlfriend flowers or would see something I thought a friend would really like, but in the process I was usually always looking out for myself and just let the thought pass by. I even told an ex-girlfriend once that I had “thought” about buying her flowers but… well, I can’t remember what I said after that, it really didn’t matter. Her response was, “should’ve could’ve.” The point here is that although I had an image that I was a caring guy, I really didn’t do a lot of things for other people purely from an altruistic state. And the amazing thing about this was I didn’t even realize it! I thought I was a nice guy; like I said, I didn’t go around hurting people but I also never really went out of my way to see what I could bring to the lives of others. Even when I did do something really nice, it was like deep in my heart I knew there was something in it for me. I didn’t realize this until years later as the result of an intense self-discovery process and a lot of emotional pain. I know this about myself now—how I was back then—because the feelings and actions I take to help others today is a totally different feeling and the difference is night and day. Today I’m not concerned with “what’s in it for me” because I already have everything I need.

When I refer to the highest ideal you have for yourself, I’m referring to the person whom you really want to be, deep down inside. This has nothing to do with material possessions or professional success; we’re talking about character traits. You may not even know what that looks like or what you’re missing, only that you feel as if you’re missing something. Finding the recipe for happiness is about finding that ideal person you want to be and finding a way to get there. An important part of that journey is finding happiness within you and getting rid of the fear which is standing in your way.

Spirituality

Spirituality can mean something different for each and every one of us. For me, it simply means I believe in a power greater than myself. It started with surrendering to the idea that there was possibly a creator or higher being and that I’m not it; basically, I’m not the center of the universe. It has evolved into something awesome today and continues to evolve over the years. I refer to this higher being as God, simply because it’s easy and works for me. What you believe in is not as important as it is to surrender to the idea that you’re not running the universe show and that there might possibly be something out there you can turn to for guidance and strength.

I know when I go running or spend time in nature I feel relieved and under the influence of some higher being. I feel at one with nature and feel guided when I quiet my mind and am able to see my problems for what they are, in my mind! All our problems exist in our mind; we create them out of fears and insecurities. Finding a spiritual connection with something outside of ourselves gives us the strength to turn our problems over that are seemingly too heavy for us to bear; even if they are only in our minds.

Spirituality is an enormous part of my happiness; too much to get into here, but if you ever have any questions regarding my beliefs, feel free to contact me. Honestly I believe in a lot of things, I use the term God because it’s easy. I don’t defend or deny anyone else’s beliefs and feel everyone should use what they’re comfortable with and understand.

Realistic Perspective of Yourself

This topic gets back to what I touched on in the inner peace ingredient of happiness. This can mainly be summed up in one word: humility.

Humility: is the quality of being humble: modest, not proud, doing something out of the goodness of your heart, not for yourself.

The important thing to keep in mind about humility is this, “humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.” I often confused self-deprecation with humility; it’s not the same thing. Humility is the ability to have a realistic honest self-appraisal of oneself.

Gratitude

A heart full of gratitude has little room for conceits and sadness. Gratitude is also an action; we take care of those things we’re grateful for. Look around and see how well you take care of you personal things and especially yourself. Are you grateful for your life?

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
-Melody Beattie

Service Work

Service work, also known as volunteering, can be just about anything you want it to be. As I mentioned earlier, there really isn’t any feeling in the world like helping out someone else. There is a caveat to this however: your motives.

Here’s a good test to see if you’re doing service work for the right reasons: If you feel as if you might have resentment for doing something for someone, your motives might need adjusted.

This is extremely hard! I know I still struggle with this today. Here’s an example:

A few years ago my wife (girlfriend at the time) and I had just purchased her son and his wife a new paint sprayer for their home—they were in the process of preparing the exterior for painting. It was a sunny Saturday morning in early summer and I had (in my mind) a vision of a nice afternoon sitting by the pool reading and relaxing. I had an expectation of what my day was going to look like. I also expected that by purchasing them a paint sprayer, besides being grateful for the gift, we wouldn’t have to help them paint. Shortly after we arrived it was apparent that they really didn’t want the paint sprayer, which I understood because being a former painter they can sometimes be a pain to clean and maintain if you’re only doing a few small jobs (and their one story 2 bedroom house is not very big). A few minutes later I hear my girlfriend volunteer our services for the rest of the day to help them paint. Of course my mind immediately went to how I wasn’t going to be able to sit around the pool today and do nothing. I felt a little resentment build up inside and recognized it for what it was. I removed myself from the situation and went outside to… well pray and meditate. I sat by a tree and quieted my mind and ask for guidance. What came to my mind was this:

Years from now, what are you going to remember most: the day you sat by the pool doing nothing or the day you helped your future stepson and his wife paint their house?

The answer was clear and I was happy to help and be of service. That was one of many turning points for me and how I’ve found spiritual guidance to be helpful. You see, my first thought isn’t always the altruistic one, but I am able to feel a disturbance in myself and recognize it and turn it around into gratitude and an ingredient for happiness.

Here’s an exercise you can do to practice service work. Try doing something anonymously for someone. It doesn’t matter what it is, put $10 in their mailbox or rake their leaves while there at work, it doesn’t matter. You’ll feel good about yourself.

So that’s our happiness cake. Our recipe for happiness consists of Inner Peace, Spirituality, A Realistic Perspective of Yourself, Gratitude, and Service Work.

So go look in your pantry right now and see how many of these ingredients you have. If you’re a few items short, no big deal, just take some action today in finding your missing ingredient. If you’re here reading this you can add gratitude to your list; you’re able to read and that’s more than some people.

What’s your recipe for happiness look like?

Recipe for Happiness is a post from: How To Be Happy
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter to receive my free eBook "How To Be Happy Now!" CLICK HERE to sign up!

So you want to know how to “find” inner peace and happiness?

If you’ve been around How to Be Happy long enough, you probably already know what I’m about to say… that’s right, find inner peace and you’ll discover happiness.

Happiness is a by-product of inner peace; so you don’t really find it, it finds you. If you’ve read my report, How To Be Happy Now, then you know what I’m talking about.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
-Mahatma Gandhi

Looking at the Gandhi quote, happiness is a result of having our thoughts and actions in sync. But what about people who think angry and act angry; are they happy? Hmm, that’s a great question. I’m sure that is not what Gandhi was talking about, but I would add that if your actions cause harm or pain to others, that would not equate to happiness for yourself. That is if you have any type of conscience or moral compass; this obviously excludes sociopaths. Speaking of sociopaths, that reminds me of the first time I met my wife’s father and stepmother… You all like stories right? (I’ll digress for a moment)

My wife’s father is a retired pathologist and her stepmother is a retired psychologist; they’re both amazing people and a joy to be around and talk to. The first time we met my wife was going on and on to her father about how I always knew just what to say and how happy we were together. Her father, while I was sitting there, starting talking about how sociopaths have a gift for always knowing the right thing to say and making people feel good. It wasn’t directed at me, we were just discussing personalities and character traits, but it really got me to thinking… gosh, I do seem to always know what to say and make people happy… maybe I am a sociopath, I mean surely those who are don’t know it right? Later that evening I approached her father and stepmother and suggested maybe I was in need of a “session” to talk and discover if I’m a sociopath or not. They laughed, apologized if I felt they had insinuated anything and assured me I was fine and from their assessment appeared to be mentally stable. It’s quite the story and we laugh about it now.

Part of being happy with myself is the ability to say the right things to people based in my truth and from the heart, as opposed to saying what I think people want to hear. Also having the intuition to know when to say something and when to keep my mouth shut. One of my favorite passages is something read at my wedding:

Your homework is to practice an ancient Sufi tradition: In your life together, speak words to your beloved only if they can pass through 3 gates: First, is it truthful? Second, is it necessary? Third, is it kind? If your words are truthful & necessary & kind, then the love you have maintained up until today will be nourished and continue to grow & your name will continue to remain safe in your beloved’s mouth.

Good advice.

Back to the topic of how to find inner peace and happiness… Oh, and sociopaths; so do we even know when we’re unhappy? Take my life now for instance, I have an inner peace and happiness which is incomparable to anything I have felt in my life previously. Sure I thought I was happy for many years, or at least accepted the fact that I would be somewhat happy. When thinking about how to find happiness, I would immediately associate it with love and relationships; but knew that was far off for me until I reached a level of professional success. Today, the happiness I experience is so much deeper and is truly a happiness within that comes from someplace other than material things or relationships. That happiness is a direct product of inner peace. As I have dealt with regrets, resentments, discovered self-forgiveness, and moved into a life lived on spiritual principles, I have found inner peace.

Once you find inner peace, happiness will inevitably find you! And many times in places and ways you would never have imagined!

Hmmm, happiness from inner peace you say? “…that sounds good, I’ll have some of that.” Or maybe you’re thinking, “we’re all glad you found inner peace Jared, but how can we get some of that?” I’ll tell you.

So far we’ve determined that if you find inner peace, happiness will find you right? According to that, we only need to concentrate on the first part of our original question, “how to find inner peace and happiness.” Inner peace can only come one way in my opinion; self love. Self love has nothing to do with ego, self-esteem, or making oneself feel good. Self-love has to do with learning empathy, compassion, and forgiveness for yourself and that you were created out of love.

In my journey of self-discovery, there was one issue that I struggled to accept; the fact that I did not love myself. I had always felt special (which was part of my problem) and knew I was capable of great things; I believed in myself for the most part. I was nice to others and always seemed full of joy. To me, that just didn’t sound like a guy who didn’t love himself. Looking back I realize,  had I truly loved myself, I would not have treated myself the way I did. I had confused what I was showing people on the outside with what I was feeling on the inside. Thus I was lacking inner peace and self-love; consequently long-term happiness constantly eluded me.

As I entered into a process of recovery and learned how to rid myself of guilt, regret, and insecurities, I began to realize how badly I had been treating myself. The realization that I was not living up to my ideal self, and to really identify what that ideal self looked like, was a process. It started with the awareness that I had a problem then went through acceptance and surrender and continued to grow from there. The process involved re-learning how to think and building a different perspective of the world and my place in it. Moreover, what it meant to be successful and how valuable a peace of mind could be.

I have found a way to cultivate inner peace, however it is a long process (initially) and way to in-depth to get into here. This process, which I’ve broken into 9 steps (awareness, acceptance, surrender, identification, self-searching, honesty, action and atonement, spiritual development, and maintenance) will be included in my upcoming eBook to be released sometime within the next six months (I hope). It WILL happen, I’m just not putting any hard deadlines on myself In the meantime, try to concentrate on loving yourself and listening to what the committee is telling you! If you’re not familiar with the committee, I suggest you sign up for my free report, How To Be Happy Now below or to the right.

I’d like to end with this quick minute and a half audio clip from Dr. Wayne Dyer on happiness:

Thanks for stopping by to share part of your time with me today. It truly is appreciated.

How to Find Inner Peace and Happiness is a post from: How To Be Happy
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter to receive my free eBook "How To Be Happy Now!" CLICK HERE to sign up!

This is a guest post by Rita in which she provides us with some simple and practical ways to cultivate happiness in our lives. Rita is an aspiring author, mentor and editor of Snubbr. Rita is currently writing a book on simple, practical ways to cultivate inner peace. Thanks Rita!

If there’s one common goal amongst the vast majority of us who are living on earth it is to be happy.  Everyone wants to live their lives to their fullest, experiencing all their wishes and dreams coming true right before their eyes.

Unfortunately dreams don’t always come true in real life, but with a happiness plan, you can be sure that whatever does unfold before you, you are making the most of it and living each day to your best.

Often people will state that they are very unhappy, yet never do much in the way of assessing what they can do to change their status and find the true happiness they seek.  They hope that their everyday actions will just eventually have them stumbling upon happiness, yet much of the time don’t even know what ‘happiness’ represents to them.

Creating your very own happiness plan is the best way to change this and get your life headed in the right direction.

Here is what you need to know.

Assess Your Biggest Happiness-Drainers

The very first thing you must do if you are to achieve happiness is identify what happiness drainers you have in your life. These are the things that always make you feel tired after doing them, really sucking the life out of you.

This could be a career you’re stuck in but don’t enjoy, a personal relationship situation that you aren’t completely satisfied with, or a to-do list that overwhelms you considerably and never seems to back down.

These items are going to take away from the positive energy you have in your life and really send negative vibes to your overall level of happiness.  If you can do something to change them in some way, you will be better off because of it.

Identify When You Are ‘In Flow’

Next, you also should look at times when you are in what’s referred to as ‘flow‘.  This is a period of time when you are entirely immersed in what you’re doing.  At that point nothing else matters and all you’re focusing on is the exact thing you are doing at that moment – it is total focus and concentration with no outside distractions getting in.

This is most often found in personal hobbies that we really enjoy and prefer to spend our spare time doing, only sadly, most of us don’t make nearly enough time to pursue these activities as we should. If you can start reversing that and incorporating these activities into your life more regularly, happiness will follow.

Consider Happiness Found In Letting Go

Many of us hold things inside of ourselves. This could be negative emotions, negative self-beliefs, negative energy, or negative behavior patterns.  We hold these deep inside ourselves, protecting them so others cannot judge us by them and never letting them escape.

Freeing yourself from these things by letting go is one large thing you can do to boost the levels of happiness you have. When you can let go, freedom will be yours and you’ll finally come to enjoy life like you’ve been wanting.

Spend More Time With Your-Kind-Of-Happy People

Finally, the last step in creating your own plan of happiness is to fill your life full of people who help you create your own happiness.  These are people who have similar life goals and principles to yourself who will add to your life rather than taking away from it.

Make note that you may come across individuals who are relatively friendly and fine to be around, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they will help you achieve maximum happiness.  These individuals may drain you of energy, perhaps not even intentionally, but they do.

Take an assessment of all the people in your life right now and look at the ones where spending time with them makes you feel energized and excited and the ones where you feel drained and tired afterwards.

While you may not need to cut those drainers out entirely, aim to spend more time with those who do energize you and you’ll feel happier and more fulfilled on a day to day basis.

So be sure you take some time right now to come up with your own plan for happiness.  Don’t let life pass you by without ever realizing what you truly can accomplish.

photo credit: Pensiero

Creating a Happiness Plan is a post from: How To Be Happy
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter to receive my free eBook "How To Be Happy Now!" CLICK HERE to sign up!

The term “inner happiness” is extremely important. A common consensus of happiness and inner-peace seekers is that true lasting happiness comes from inside us; thus, “inner happiness.” The reason this is such a vital part of long-lasting happiness, is that it is not contingent on outside forces or influences. We all know how difficult it can be to find happiness, especially when we have no idea where to look.

Maybe you have always been successful at setting and achieving goals; striving for higher aspirations and constantly moving towards some ultimate goal. Even in my younger years, I found myself often setting higher goals for myself and eventually reaching them; and honestly, I really didn’t find it that difficult. The difficult part was finding a goal that left me completely satisfied and internally happy. The happiness I found was short lived and always left me still wanting more. Not until I stopped measuring my happiness by what I achieved, did I start to find inner peace, and ultimately inner happiness.

Inner Happiness is a result of Inner Peace

Inner happiness is a by-product of inner peace, yet achieving inner peace can be a long and laborious journey. We do not just wake up one morning filled with inner peace; at least it did not work that way for me. After years of chasing happiness, I finally decided to try something different.

“If you keep doing what you’ve always done… you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.”

Out of desperation I was determined to find a better way to live, and through the process I realized something amazing; I did not truly love myself. Initially this realization was difficult for me to accept since I always felt I had a fairly high self-esteem. For most of my life I was outgoing and known as a happy-go-lucky guy by friends and family. But through a process of self-discovery, I realized deep down inside I wasn’t so happy after all. I was confusing with what I showed people on the outside with what I was feeling on the inside. Accepting that I had little self-love was difficult at first, but I started with some facts which were hard to ignore. The main point being; had I truly loved myself, I would not have treated myself the way I did for so many years. It’s not like I was self-mutilating or outwardly mistreating myself, but more of an internal committee that constantly talked down to me. Looking back now, it’s obvious how little I cared about my own self and soul by what I was constantly saying to myself internally.

Inner Happiness Starts With Being Your Own Best Friend

Think about how you treat friends or family whom you’re trying to help or cheer up. Now think about how you talk to yourself. Are they in contradiction? Do you encourage others to keep their chin up or suggest they’re looking at the glass half empty while at the same time putting yourself down? Achieving inner peace starts with listening to how you talk to and treat yourself. You need to learn how to treat yourself as you would your best friend. Sounds easy enough right? Well, it can be hard I know, but it CAN be done. It just takes time to learn and can be practiced using some simple exercises; some of which I discuss in my report How To Be Happy Now –>.

Finding inner happiness starts with inner peace; inner peace starts with self love. For most of us, self-love is a journey and takes time, but it starts with treating yourself like you would a good friend. The first step is learning how to listen to what your inner-voice is saying about your best friend, you! If you can’t hear anything, maybe you’re not familiar with that friend inside. Listening starts with a relationship; start building a healthy relationship with yourself today! Do something nice for yourself, something you would do for a good friend. Oh, and tell yourself thanks!

Instead of asking how to find happiness, start with inner peace—an inner peace that starts with building a healthy relationship with yourself!

How to Find Inner Happiness is a post from: How To Be Happy
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter to receive my free eBook "How To Be Happy Now!" CLICK HERE to sign up!

The hardest thing about finding happiness is that you can’t so to speak…. happiness is a by-product of living the right kind of life. Happiness is the result of living a life which is inline with your ideal self. So how do you know what your ideal self is? That question is not so easy to answer. But there is a way to get there!

Finding one’s ideal self must come from emotional maturity and most often through a life of finding out what happiness is NOT about. From my experience, a moral compass and “gut” leading me towards my ideal self, was the result of hard work and dedication. It took me years to get what I felt on the inside inline with what I was showing on the outside.

If you are truly in touch with your inner-self, emotionally mature, and know what you want in life; you have realized true inner-peace and happiness cannot be bought or sold.

This quote by Ghandi says it all:

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
-Ghandi

So how do we get all these things—thought, words, and action—in harmony with each other? The first step is learning what you truly want out of life and where you want to go. However, in order to determine this, you MUST know where you’re at! You cannot get somewhere if you don’t know where you’re coming from.

Getting thoughts, words, and actions into harmony can be a many step process. In order to have the correct happy thoughts, many times you must be performing actions based and inspired out of happiness. This may sound like a paradox, like how can I “act” happy if I’m not feeling happy?

A great quote (you’ll discover I love quotes… generally because I’m not the first person to ever come up with a great idea) by Francine Ward illustrates how action can have great effects, “You get self-esteem by doing Esteemable Acts.” That is so true… action, action, action.

Once we get action going in the right direction, our thoughts will improve. We’ll feel better about ourselves and thus start doing more action based out of happiness. It is definitely a process, but gets easier over time.

At times, the line between intentions and actions are blurred. Many people have the best of intentions, but their actions may not reflect that. Consequently they may be perceived differently by those around them then they perceive themselves. Part of feeling full of happiness and inner-peace, is a realistic view of oneself both internally and externally.

Many people don’t even know they’re not happy, so for them, finding happiness isn’t a problem. However, for the rest of us, we have that inner voice that speaks to us; telling us we’re missing something in life. You know the inner question… is this all there is?

Really think about when you’ve asked yourself the question “is this all there is?” Often it is after we’ve achieved something great or arrived at a place in our lives we were sure would bring us happiness. Yet we’re still missing something. No matter what much we want and achieve, we will always be left wanting more. It’s just the way it is. Get used to it.

So the key to finding happiness must be something that never runs out and is always overflowing. It must come from within us!! Think about it… what is the most unique thing in the world that no amount of money or professional achievement could possibly alter or anyone could ever take away? That’s right, you!!!

The biggest secret to happiness is you! So the question, how to find happiness? Has to do with finding yourself! You already have everything you need to become completely happy and satisfied with life. The elements of true happiness are inside you and forged from gratitude, love, and purpose. Uncovering each one of those is a process and something that can be achieved each and every day! It does take work, but the result is the most amazing thing you can ever experience; true inner-peace and joy with the world and your place in it.

To find out more on the process of gratitude, love, and purpose, sign up for my newsletter and download my free report How to Be Happy Now: Finding Happiness in Everyday Living

The Best Kept Secret to Finding Happiness is a post from: How To Be Happy
Don't forget to sign up for my newsletter to receive my free eBook "How To Be Happy Now!" CLICK HERE to sign up!