Hiding behind the idea that I was shy, I missed out on many opportunities for spiritual, personal, or emotional growth. When I started a new job several years ago, my life coach suggested that I introduce myself to three new people in my office every morning for the first two weeks at my new job. I thought he was crazy, “that’s not like me, don’t you know I’m shy?” His response, “Jared, it’s not about you.”
“The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails.”
Bill W., July 1965 As Bill Sees It, p. 115
There are many forms of self-centeredness and selfish behavior, such as self-loathing and shyness which I often confused with humility or something else; but not self-centeredness. Regardless of my intention, I was making everything about me. When I get out of myself—like introducing myself to new people no matter how uncomfortable it is—I change for the better. For me, better means placing myself in more opportunities to be of service to others—which can feel really uncomfortable at times.
From the movie Peaceful Warrior (affiliate link):
Dan: “Hey Socrates, if you know so much, why are you working at a gas station?”
Socrates: “It’s a service station. We offer service. There’s no higher purpose.”
Dan: “… Than pumping gas?”
Socrates: “Service to others.”
You see I had made a commitment to grow spiritually, personally, and emotionally. No matter what I do for a living or what my circumstances in life are, I can choose to grow. Letting every experience—whether perceived to be good or bad—take me to where I’m supposed to be. It takes commitment and hard work, but the reward is simple: a happiness which is not contingent on anyone or anything.
Most things I think are hard, aren’t hard at all, just uncomfortable. Over time, the more I grow, the more I have to get outside myself to find things that challenge me to grow.
On my recent trip to Cozumel Mexico, I resisted going into town to explore all the shops and local restaurants. I was a little nervous to drive there or take a taxi, which is usually not like me. Generally when we travel, we like getting out and experiencing the local culture and usually rent a car. I’m not sure if it was because I was lazy or what. Although everything we needed was right there at the resort; beach, diving, sun, pool, food, and a gift shop with great deals on jewelry. I also dislike the people who are always trying to sell you something. Wait, I mean I don’t dislike them, it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel bad telling them no or ignoring them. I want people to like me. I hate the language barrier and many times would just like to know more about a person; what’s their family like, where they live, what do they do for fun, etc. Maybe they’ll like me if instead of ignoring them I can say “I’m really sorry I’m not interested in what you’re selling. What do you do for fun?” in Spanish. But then again, I’m making it about me… I purchased the Rocket Spanish course and sometimes listen to it on my drive into work so I’m making progress. But I haven’t gotten to the “sorry I don’t need any silver, where do you live?” lesson yet.
My challenge to all my readers is to do something uncomfortable today! Try striking up a conversation with the beggar instead of pretending to be on your cell-phone. You never know what you might learn.
photo credit: macropoulos
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About Jared Akers
Jared,
When I read this, I’m drawn in to the idea that our life is made up of moments. The question, though – are we really in those moments? Are we really experiencing them? Or do we (I) let them slip by sometimes – because it might somehow be uncomfortable. Jared, this is so good to read. Especially this idea of going out there, today (or tomorrow now for me, since I’m staying in for the rest of the night!) – and stepping a bit out of that comfort zone.
Lance,
Thanks for the great comments. I agree totally about each moment being what life is comprised of. I’m reading this book right now by Mitch Albom, “Have A Little Faith.” Last night I was just reading this section about building a personal legacy-with family and how we’re remembered once we move on. That it’s the memories we create in certain moments that last. The more I get outside of myself and become “a part of” as opposed to “a part from,” the more I’m able to create memories that I and others may value. For me, I see it as a way to be more of service. It’s like when I really want to take the stairs at work, wanting to avoid having to interact with anyone on the elevator because it can be uncomfortable sometimes. I have to remind myself to quit making it about me, put myself in a position to give or receive a smile or a helping hand. I even have to remind myself at times to keep my head up and look people in the eye and smile. Just be open to any possibility in any given moment.
Jared,
This is a great post. You are absolutely right! We learn so much by stepping out of our comfort zones. During my last year at University I decided to study abroad in Kenya. I was so scared and all of my friends & family thought I was a bit off my rocker — but it ended up being the most transformational, amazing experience of my lifetime.
Thank you for this inspirational post.
-Dena
Evolution
Dena,
Great for you studying abroad! I bet that was a bit scary! It is really amazing when you think about it, how much we grow when we do things outside of our comfort zone… yet we seem to want to avoid them at times. The more I get outside of my comfort zone, the more faith I get in the process and the ability to grow for the better. Thanks for the comments!
The shy thing was always mine to. As I grow, I am learning to do things that are “uncomfortable” or scares me and the gift is, I grow more. Life starts opening up, things start flowing and a little peace seeps in as we take the difficult steps to face our fears, to change.
Love the post. Thank you for reminding us of this.
Kimberly,
I love that, “a little peace seeps in as we take the difficult steps to face our fears, to change.” That’s the way it was for me also, peace seeped in over time. I didn’t just wake up one day full of enlightenment and inner-peace. Although I know it make work like that for some. My experience was the result of taking action, like doing things that were/are uncomfortable, and the result is peace seeps into my being. Most people see the change in us before we do, but looking back we can see now from a different perspective. Not too long ago I was sitting at an intersection waiting for a break in oncoming traffic to cross, this man behind me was getting irate that I was taking so long. I could see him pounding on his steering wheel gesturing for me to go! I prayed for him to find peace and it reminded me of how I used to be (and still can be at times). A good gauge of my current serenity level comes out while I’m driving. If I’m getting upset easily, I’m not in a good place spiritually and realize I’m driving selfishly. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Hi Jared,
I think many people do not venture out of their comfort zones due to fear. For example, I have friends who refuse to travel outside of the US because they just have no desire to see another part of the world. They love what they have and that makes them happy.
I never understood that way of thinking since I have spent a good portion of my life traveling around the world. I never understood the lack of curiousity. However, as I got to know my friends more, I realized that they were scared to be exposed to things that were not familiar. They were so afraid. And I think that is the problem with a lot of human issues. We are slaves to fear and yet fear is such an illusion.
Hi Jared,
Seems like the sanskrit, sadhana, describes your message here pretty well. Your quote, “No matter what I do for a living or what my circumstances in life are, I can choose to grow,” seems to describe the potential to seek sadhana no matter the circumstances.
Andrew,
Thanks for the comment. That sounds pretty close, sadhana “a means of accomplishing something” or more specifically “spiritual practice.”
Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular post!
It’s the little changes that produce the most significant changes. Many thanks for sharing!
Hey Albert,
Thanks for the great comment! You’re so right, it is the little changes that make a significant impact! It’s also the little ones that are the most difficult sometimes. The one where we’re not quite sure what to do… Bigger changes are sometimes more black or white, making the ultimate decision easier. Thanks for stopping by.