Whether we realize it or not, we set the rules on how others treat us. In this episode of the How To Be Happy Podcast, Emily and I talk about this theory and what this means in regards to the relationships we find ourselves in.
Following are a couple of quotes and passages that bring some light to this topic:
“No One Can Make You Feel Inferior Without Your Consent.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
And from the amazing book by Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom:
If you abuse yourself very badly, you can even tolerate someone who beats you up, humiliates you, and treats you like dirt. Why? Because in your belief system you say, “I deserve it. This person is doing me a favor by being with me. I’m not worthy of love and respect. I’m not good enough.”
In your whole life nobody has ever abused you more than you have abused yourself. And the limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit that you will tolerate from someone else. If someone abuses you a little more than you abuse yourself, you will probably walk away from that person. But if someone abuses you a little less than you abuse yourself, you will probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly.
Topics in this episode:
- How we allow others to treat us says a lot about how we feel about ourselves
- We attract that which we are, so finding a place of self-love and empathy for self is crucial in attracting those types of relationships in our lives
- We have the power to change the rules on how we’re treated
- What does this mean? Is it possible to change the rules without changing ourselves first?
- We have to be prepared for how the other person will react (e.g. they’ve been allowed to treat us this way and suddenly we’ve changed the rules on them)
- What’s reasonable versus unreasonable?
- What’s the process of actually changing the rules? HOW DO I DO IT?
- 1) Have the willingness to change
- 2) Start with self (self-love, acceptance, gratitude) – How to do it?
- 3) Communication with our partner or spouse about our journey
- 4) Follow through
Resources and Related Topics from this Episode:
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