Are you wondering how to be happy single or alone? I’ve been through a couple iterations of aloneness during different periods of my life. I refer to them as alone in a room full of people and alone in a room with myself; which I’ll talk about in this post. As to how to be happy alone, there isn’t a simple answer. Although we can be happy without intimacy with others, there seems to be a limit to that experience until we share it with others.

I’ll share and talk about the last scene in the movie Into the Wild. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s pretty hard to watch—so you’ve been warned—it always brings tears to my eyes.

My wife Emily and I sat down and came up with 12 simple actions (most were her suggestions) that you can do—alone—to be happy; which I’ll list at the end of this post.

My Time Alone

There were certainly times in my life where I have been alone, and would have considered myself happy. My aloneness consisted of two very different versions. The first has consumed the majority of my life, up until the age of 35.

Alone in a Room Full of People

As we live our lives consumed with how others perceive us, we display certain external versions of who we are; or more precisely, how we want others to perceive us. From my experience, this creates a sort of split self. I have this version I’m showing the world, while at the same time, I have an inner perspective of myself that’s often quite different. Although we’re probably not aware of this “split” self at the time. At least I wasn’t.

We seem relatively happy. Maybe we have a large group of friends that we hang out with from time-to-time or we may even be in an intimate relationship. We think we’re happy; at least it would appear that way from the outside.

Yet inside we may still have this little nudge or pressure in our soul that’s suggesting there must be something more. Maybe we feel as if we’re settling. Asking ourselves, “is this as good as it gets?”

I lived that way for the majority of my life. I was always this outgoing, positive, and seemingly happy person. Yet I still felt something missing in life. That all of these other happy people around me must know something I didn’t. It’s funny though, because at the same time my ego was telling me—and fighting to portray externally—that I was the one held the secret. After all, most friends came to me for advice and were certainly blown away by my witty sense of humor and personal drive.

So there I was; happy alone. Yet even in a room full of people, surrounded by friends, or even in an “intimate” relationship, there was still a part of me that felt lonely. That I was missing something while resigning to “that’s life” and it’s always going to be this way.

As a result of living this split self; I never really got honest with anyone, especially myself. When things got uncomfortable, I’d bolt or just pass over it. I had no emotional connectedness to my authentic self or what I truly needed to be happy. So I just acted as if most of the time and avoided any real emotional connections with myself and others.  This was later described to me by a psychiatrist as conflict avoidance. Which is a fancy way of saying I didn’t like feeling uncomfortable.

Even though I was in relationships and had friends, there were long periods where I became quite introverted. Staying at home all the time by myself and becoming consumed with learning. I got into computers and taught myself about networks, programming, and web development. Although I was alone, I didn’t know how to just be. I was unable to just sit in a quiet room alone with my thoughts because there was always that deep part of me that felt as if something was missing. So I just kept my mind busy on external things.

So I would say that I was happy; at least compared to a lot of people I knew at the time. But in perspective, it was nothing compared to the soul filling happiness and contentment I’ve discovered since.

Alone in a Room with Myself

After hitting that point of total isolation and desperation, I sought to find inner-peace and happiness. That’s when I truly started getting honest with myself. I simply didn’t care anymore what others thought of me. I got help from anyone or anything I could; therapist’s, counselors, clergy, 12-step programs, spiritual advisers, books, etc. I just wanted something different out of life and wasn’t going to give up until I found the missing piece to the puzzle.

What I found was my perfect and authentic self. Through a process which I go into great detail in my upcoming book, “Happiness for the Practical Mind: 7 Steps to Discovering and Loving Your Authentic Self,” I found what I was missing; a deep emotional connectedness with self. Resulting in—among many things—a deep acceptance of my authentic self and the ability to love and be loved.

The process—as it’s ongoing and continually evolving—allows me to live as one. Just be who I am and know that it’s enough. What I feel on the inside, peace, joy, love, acceptance, and happiness, is what radiates outwards and shows on the outside. I truly know and accept who I am, which means needing less external from the world to make me happy, therefore I am happy.

“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”
-Lao Tzu

Today, I’m able to sit alone, meditate, and feel the presence of love, spirit, God, and all the wondrous things life has to offer. I can sit alone in a room with myself and feel happiness, joy, and peace. Once I realized I have everything within me to be completely happy, I know longer need to take or expect anything from anyone. Living is not about me anymore, it’s about what I have to offer the world. This is when real meaningful and life changing relationships manifest in our lives. This has brought a completely different level of happiness.

Since I can be happy alone with my true self, I can truly connect with others and develop deep, intimate relationships. Being happy alone is good, but is happiness real if not shared with others?

Is Happiness Only Real if Shared?

If you’ve never read the book or seen the movie Into the Wild, you should. But I must warn you, it’s sort of… well, really sad at the end. If you’re not familiar with this true story, here’s a brief synopsis:

Christopher McCandless is a promising, smart, and seemingly fearless young adult. After graduating with honors from Emory, he gives away his savings—anonymously—to a charity, hops in his car and drives off without letting anyone know where he’s going. For certain reasons he’s lost trust in his family and sets out to experience the country and ends up hitching across the Northwest before settling on a plan to live completely alone in the Alaskan wilderness.  In his journeys, he comes across many people who are inspired by him, but he avoids any true intimacy.

He finally makes it to the Alaskan wilderness in 1992 at the age of twenty-four and lives for 16 weeks off the land void of any human contact using a deserted bus as shelter. However, he eventually ate some spoiled or poison berries which lead to his death; alone in a bus in the woods.

 What do you think, is happiness only real if it’s shared?

That ending scene in the movie just disturbs my soul for some reason; in a way which I very seldom feel. It touches a deep rooted fear, of being completely alone or dying. A feeling that’s not pleasant, but cannot keep us from living today. There’s been a few times in my life when I’ve felt that primal fear; it’s my time. And it’s true, you think about those most important to you in your life.

Like when I think about a day in St. Croix when I nearly drowned snorkeling.

My wife and I had just become certified SCUBA divers so I was feeling a bit over confident. There was a nice reef about a hundred yards out from our resort and a fellow diver had mentioned an entry point just past our beach near some rocky outcroppings. So off I went while Emily walked the beach and picked up seashells.

Without a snorkeling vest I carefully timed the waves and entered the choppy water and kicked out quickly to where the depth was probably 15-20 feet. I figured once I got out from all the rocks the water would be calmer. What I discovered was quite the contrary. Huge swelling waves pounded me while I could see enormous sharp rocks popping above the surface all around me as each wave passed. Tiring quickly, I struggled to swim and switch between breathing with and without my snorkel. The water was so choppy that whenever I tried to just swim face down using my snorkel, it would take in water causing more panic. I searched for any large rocks I could stand on to rest while praying I didn’t suck in more water or get slammed into the sharp rocks on all sides.  The swells and my initial entry had carried me far enough that returning the way I came in was not an option. So I would have to make it a few hundred feet to the beach passing more large rocks. It was a daunting task with 3-4 foot swells, sharp rocks, and—from the few glimpses I actually got under the water—spiny sea urchins the size of basketballs everywhere!

As fatigue quickly set in, I managed to find a few good footings on large rocks to catch my breath briefly until a large wave would lift me up causing me to lose my footing. I remember briefly seeing Emily down on the beach, calmly looking for shells. It was humbling to know that just a few hundred feet away she was so peaceful while I was fighting for my life. I was thinking, “God, please… I’m going to die right here in this ocean while she’s just a few hundred feet away.”

Once I made it to shallow enough water, I didn’t care about all the sea urchins any more and just scampered over the sharp rocks and crawled to the sand. Emily, not catching the terror still on my face, looked at me and said, “How was it?” I simply said, “Not good and probably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done.”

I will say one thing, I feel a lot safer with a tank of air strapped to my back!

12 Simple Actions to Make Yourself Happy

1. Go shopping (Yes, this was my wife’s idea) – She’s a bargain shopper and will watch a pair of jeans for months until they go on sale. She said that shopping alone makes her happy. She can take her time and look for great deals.

2. Paint a Room – It’s amazing what a coat of paint in an uplifting color can do to a room.

3. Get rid of old socks – I wasn’t sure about this one… but hey, I do feel better when I clean out my sock draw.

4. Go for a Walk – Enjoy nature or find a park where there are other people and feel good about getting out and being part of a community.

5. Make a new friend – Be open to friendship and find ways of connecting with others.

6. Read a Book – It’s great being sucked into a good book, the kind you can’t wait to get back to.

7. Go to a Movie – Go to a movie and get a huge bucket of popcorn and your favorite soft drink. I used to think going to a movie by myself was pathetic, but then I realized… who cares, I’m in a movie!

8. People watch – Try not to do this in a creep way. I love going to a coffee shop or mall and just walking around and watching how people interact. We humans are interesting.

9. Volunteer – Find a local shelter or volunteer organization to donate your time.

10. Make a list of things you need to do around the house – I love lists. You can make a simple list of jobs around the house you’d like to get done. Just checking a few off can make you feel good about yourself.

11. Make a gratitude list – This is one I use all the time, never fails. Gratitude makes us happy!

12. Start a Puzzle – Puzzles can be fun and provide a good sense of accomplishment when finished.

These are just a few things we thought of this morning over coffee.

What do you do to make yourself feel happy?

Is happiness only real if it’s shared?

How to be Happy Alone, 12 Simple Actions to Make Yourself Happy is a post from: How To Be Happy
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If you’re not happy with life, then you’re probably not happy with yourself. Maybe it’s time to change.

Do you know someone who is constantly complaining about something or the entire universe just seems to be conspiring against them? Or, maybe that’s you?

“Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.” -Henry Ford

There was certainly a time in my life where I thought the world was out to get me. I thought that if everyone could just understand me (mainly how great I was) that I would finally get ahead. I’d get the promotion I deserved, the million dollar bonus, fame, fortune, etc. They (the world) just didn’t get how amazing I was.

I was a little off in that I believed fame and fortune would finally mean acceptance and happiness. The truth was I wasn’t happy with myself at all.

I can say with certainty that, for many years, I was confused on what being happy with yourself actually meant. Looking and acting happy seemed to be what I was doing most of the time—or at least striving for. You may be familiar with the phrase, “act as if.” Also known as “Fake it till you make it.” This suggests that if you act a certain way, whether you feel like it or not, you’ll eventually become that. That if you act happy, going through the motions of someone that feels happy, that eventually the happiness will become real. I think this concept has some merit, to a point.

From my experience, acting “as if” for years didn’t really solve my problems. Or in my case, I might have felt happy at times, but there still existed the underlying feeling of dread or general dissatisfaction with life.

Early in my happiness journey, where I really dug deep to get better and find inner-peace, I had several coach’s or mentors which helped me along the way. In times where I was frustrated or having trouble with a particular situation, I would call them up for advice. Usually it went something like this…

Me: This guy is being a total di#$.
Mentor: How are you planning to deal with it?
Me: Well, in the past I have asserted my self-will and [insert past behavior here].
Mentor: How’s that working for you?

The idea was that I get out of my comfort zone and try something different. As the saying goes, if you continue doing the same things you’ll keep getting the same results (or a dozen other cliché’s along those lines).

Slowly, as I started working through the process of self-discovery and learning acceptance and self-worth, I did change. I started doing things differently, stepping out of my comfort zone, and began to realize that the earth wasn’t going to stop because I made myself vulnerable.

One of the greatest parts of self-worth and acceptance was the ability to be completely honest with myself and others. One instance which I remember vividly was a date I had with my wife Emily, who was my girlfriend at the time.

We had only been dating for a few weeks, and she was coming down to my office to meet me for lunch. I had spent the last 11 months working on myself and was feeling more comfortable with who I was more than any time in my life. I had found forgiveness for myself and let go of my past. However, there were still some things I wasn’t proud of, but grateful as they made me who I was. Nonetheless, there was still one thing about my past which I hadn’t shared with Emily yet. And this was going to be the day.

I vividly remember riding the elevator down to meet her and feeling nervous as hell. I even got down on my knees in the elevator and said a prayer. Since I worked on the 8^th floor, it was a quick prayer. I was nervous because this part of my past had… well, not been accepted to well when it came up in previous relationships. It was actually the cause of one relationship ending. Consequently I usually left it out of my back-story in most relationships’ after that. Yet it was part of who I am and so I felt it important to share it with Emily.

As soon as I got in the car, I got all serious, turned to her and told her my secret. She sort of looked at me inquisitively and said, “Uh, OK. You had me worried there for a second… What do you feel like for lunch?”

That was it. I wasn’t banished off to Pluto to live a life of misery and isolation. That was the moment I really knew that I could and would be accepted for who I was completely. It felt good to be open and honest about myself, I could be loved unconditionally.

To be happy with yourself, trying doing something you wouldn’t normally do. Change it up a little bit and get out of your comfort zone. Maybe it’s time to change, act like the person you want to be, and leave it all behind.

Segue to kick ass song…

How to Be Happy with Yourself, Maybe it’s Time to Change is a post from: How To Be Happy
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Me on Kauai 2008

If you want to be happy in life, you have to be happy with who you are; whether you want to or not. You have to live with YOU everyday, so you might as well learn how to get along.

People often ask me, how are you so happy all the time? The answer is pretty simple, I’m happy with who I am as a person. But that wasn’t always the case.

When I started on this journey—on how to be happy in life—happiness was not really what I was looking for. What I wanted was peace of mind and a reason to live. My journey began out of desperation.

The concept of happiness wasn’t even on the radar; I just wanted a reason to get up each morning. I know that sounds depressing because it was. Being happy in life seemed impossible because of all the things I had either done, or failed to do in my past.

As most great mothers do, my mother had always instilled in me the idea that I was great. That I could achieve anything I set my mind to. She would say, “Shoot for the moon son, the worst that can happen is you miss and land amongst the stars.”

On the outside, I was this happy-go-lucky guy, always positive and full of energy and good for a laugh. But inside I was still searching for my purpose in life and how to be happy. Consequently, I bounced around from many career and relationships; trying to find something that fulfilled me.

Early out of high school I thought I found my calling in zoo keeping; something I’d dreamed of doing as a kid. But even after a few years of that I got bored with life. It was then I think I resigned to the idea that life was going to be a real drag. That I would always be searching for the BBD—Bigger Better Deal.

Looking back now, I realized I had no emotional connectedness with self. I had no idea what I needed to be happy and certainly no way of expressing or going after it. Of course I thought it was about winning; achieving financial success and outdoing the next guy.

Being happy in life is not about winning. It’s about learning; learning the truth about yourself and that everything you need to be happy is already inside you.

If you make a commitment to learn the truth about yourself, what you’re good at and have to offer the world, you’ll find happiness whether you want to or not. Of course the idea of not wanting to be happy in life sounds silly; why would anyone not want to be happy?

Take a moment to listen to your inner dialog. What do you hear? Is the voice speaking kindness or is it constantly berating you? If it’s saying you’re no good, then maybe in some way, you don’t want to be happy. I know… crazy right?

In my case, the voice used to say all sort of negative things; and still does at times. My fear was that if I learned the real truth about myself, I wouldn’t like it. That maybe I was incapable of living up to the ideal person I wanted to be. Or worse yet, what if I strived for that ideal and achieved it and still unhappy? Then I was really screwed.

Another obstacle to happiness is the attachment of our identity to our past. It defines who we are; i.e. a victim. Without it, we’re not really sure who we’ll become.

You must be willing to let go of the person you think you are in order to find the person you are meant to be.

Maybe it’s not as simple as we just don’t want to be happy, but more about the fear of not living up to this ideal perception of self. A large contributor to unhappiness is the constant comparison we make between ourselves and others. That’s why it’s so important to find out what you’re good at and what makes you unique. Trust me; you have something special that no one else has to offer the world.

Of course finding that something special can be difficult. But more than likely you already know what it is. Maybe you love gardening or have overcome some obstacle in your life like I have with mine. If you’re passionate about it, odds are someone else is too. There’s opportunity to offer what you know or have learned with someone else.

But remember you don’t have to be the best gardener in the world, just be the best you can be. It’s not about wining.

There is one caveat to this… to make sure we’re not putting all our energy into something to keep from focusing on ourselves. I see it all the time and you probably do too… I even do it myself. That is being such a people pleaser and caregiver that I spend all my time trying to make others happy. Don’t forget about yourself, and be careful that your self-worth is not about how others view you or how much you can do for them. I’m just sayin’

Here are 5 ways to be happy in life:

1. Find out what you’re good at. It’s a fact, you’re unique. There is no one else in this world exactly like you. Thank God. You have something amazing to offer this world. Find out what it is and embrace it.

2. Develop Humility. I talk about humility a lot because it’s been instrumental in my happiness. People often get confused (self included) on what exactly humility is. Humility is not thinking less of oneself, but thinking of oneself less.

I’ve never been a real cocky guy. For most of my life, although I appeared outgoing to most, I considered myself shy. Shyness is a form of self-centeredness; making everything about me. Humility for me is about understanding that I’m not the center of the universe. It also has a lot to do with honest self-appraisal; like being able to identify my motives in all aspects of my life.

3. Find Love. I always say love must start with self. But even in my case, I didn’t have this at all when I started my journey into happiness. I borrowed love from others (like family and close friends) until I could establish emotional connectedness, empathy, and love for self.

4. Build Relationships. Healthy, meaningful relationships add value and happiness to our lives. This is where we get to put into use the things which we’re good at as mentioned in #1.

For me, once I learned about humility and having love for self, deep relationship with others just seemed to start appearing in my life. Before I started on this journey of self discovery and how to be happy, most relationships were created to gain something. It was all about me; what will I get or lose out of having this relationship? Today, it’s more about what can I bring to this persons life to make it better?

5. Be Grateful. Gratitude is an action. We take care of things we’re grateful for. This includes yourself and all the relationship in your life. But it must start with self. If you’re not grateful for who you are and what you have to offer the world, you’ll never be happy.

Being happy in life is about being happy with who you are. Period.

Find out who you are, what you’re good at, and you’ll discover—whether you want to or not—how to be happy in life.

How to Be Happy in Life, 5 Ways to Be Happy Whether You Want to or Not is a post from: How To Be Happy
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This is no fluff, straight to the point, action based information that can change your life.

To be happy and start living fearless, you only need to know this: You’re not here to win, you’re here to learn. The more you accept this, the less fear, stress, and anxiety you’ll have in your life and the happier you will be. All fear is imagined; thus the side effects of stress and anxiety are self-inflicted.

The secret to living a fearless life is truth. Truth about yourself and the purpose you have in this world. The truth about fear is it’s imagined. If you put in the dedication of knowing yourself completely and un-dividing your mind, you’ll discover it’s the same with stress and anxiety; it’s all imagined or created in your mind. Yet, even though many accept this logic (of our mind being our biggest problem), then why is everyone still running around full of fear, stress, anxiety, and ultimately unhappiness?

One reason is we’re chasing an illusion; the illusion of success and winning defined by society, parents, friends, etc. I too lived the illusion for many years. Since my early twenties I had this image in my mind of what success looked like. It consisted of a loft apartment overlooking the city and driving a Porsche. My idea of success had nothing to do with personal character or the individual I would become; it was based on status and materialism. I would set all these goals for myself, reach them, and then trudge on to the next one. I was never satisfied and still full of fear, anxiety, and stress.

Are you stuck? Maybe you’re like I used to be. Trudging through life, not really sure how to be happy while hating and fearing two things; the way things are and change.

I was lucky. I become desperate enough to seek a better way. Not the easier way—at first—but I’ve certainly discovered how to be happy. So can you. It’s time to get started!

How to Be Happy and Live Fearless by Overcoming Fear, Stress, and Anxiety is a post from: How To Be Happy
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Want to live a happy life? Sounds fair enough… after all, that’s what everyone is chasing after right? Problem is, which almost all of us realize, we’re chasing after the wrong things to make us happy. More than likely you got here by something you entered into your search box about happiness or a happy life. I know how you feel. Prior to finding true inner-peace and happiness I would wake up each day, look around at my life and wonder, “is this as good as it gets?” It was depressing.

People—self included—often feel we cannot live a happy life due to circumstances we think are out of our control. That’s almost always not true; of course we always think we’re the exception to the rule. That’s not to say that tragic events don’t happen to people and cause great sadness, but our ability to live a happy life is not contingent on outside sources; or at least doesn’t have to be. Nothing outside of ourselves can make us feel long-term inner-peace and happiness. Conversely, nothing outside of ourselves has the power to keep us chained to long-term unhappiness. If we’re unhappy for extended periods of time it’s because we have chosen it. Of course there may be a chemical in-balance or mental disorder that causes depression or chronic unhappiness, so I’m not saying all those who are unhappy have simply chosen to be that way. However, I’m not a doctor and can only speak from personal experience within myself and others who I have witness find true happiness in their lives by looking inward. In all cases we all had something in common, we were not happy with our lives. So much so that at times, they didn’t seem worth living.

We’re not happy with our lives because we’re not happy with ourselves or who we have become. There may be a constant nudging at our conscience telling us we’re no good or don’t deserve to be happy. Consequently, we continually sabotage ourselves and our lives. We push others away while coming up with excuses as to why we’re not worthy or have time for love in our lives. Mine often masqueraded as ambition. Or we settle for less than we deserve and convince ourselves that we’re happy. All the while wondering what went wrong as we cling to the idea and hope that someday we’ll just wake up and intuitively know how to be happy.

Since we’re unhappy with ourselves we must look outside self for validation and happiness. This can be through relationships, careers, or material possessions.

Most everyone can accept the idea that material things and external sources can only make us happy short-term at best. So what’s the alternative? The alternative is the answer to how to live a happy life. It’s self-seeking and finding your true authentic self. Sounds easy enough right? On the contrary, most of us—self included—may be afraid at what we’ll find inside ourselves.

Let me provide a little background and see if you can relate.

Growing up I had so much “potential” as everyone would say. Although when I hear people say that now I sort of cringe. It’s like saying you “could” be great, but you’re not. As if love and respect from others is conditional depending on how well we’re living up to our potential. This only validates the way we already feel on the inside. We know we’re not the person we’d like to be or know we could be; it sure doesn’t help hearing it from others. That’s why we may get defensive at times when we’re nagged about not living up to our potential. For me, there were a couple different ideal self images floating around inside my mind. One of those visions consisted of me living in a loft in downtown Kansas City, MO USA where I live, driving a Porsche and being liked and admired by everyone. I later realized that this vision of myself as being successful also was me being alone. I just assumed that once I was rich and successful then I would find a perfect wife and start a family. I think for some reason I didn’t feel worthy of love unless I was successful. Or looking even deeper than that was the fear of not being loved or knowing how to love, therefore I would blame ambition and drive for not having time for relationships. Although it’s quite amusing looking back at it now, because even though I thought I was ambitious and driven, I still wasn’t really getting anywhere. Mostly I just liked to party and do as little as possible; but I sure worked hard at trying to look and act like I was on my way to greatness.

Besides this version of myself that was successful and rich, there was also the vision of a man which was kind, caring, altruistic, a father, and great husband. I knew deep inside I had the ability to be inspiring and special; after all, my mother had always told me how great I was, and I believed her… for the most part. But deep inside there was always this scared little boy who was afraid of not being accepted or loved. I really had no idea who I was or how to live a happy life. To me, happiness was having a steady job and partying! Having a good time and happiness are not the same thing. For years I bounced around trying different jobs and relationships, trying to find out what made me happy. I eventually discovered through many painful lessons that nothing I achieve professionally or own materialistically would bring me true happiness.

The answer to “how to live a happy life” is the same as it has always been; find and accept your true authentic self and live as true to that as possible. And yes, I know it’s frustrating to keep hearing people like me say, “live right and happiness will be the result.” If you’re like me, I had no idea what that meant. I mean it sounds so simple, “just live right and find love, gratitude, and peace in your life… that is how to live a happy life.” It’s so frustrating though when you have no idea how to do that.

From experience I know it can be done and there is practical steps you can take to get there. The process is simple, yet not easy and very uncomfortable at times. Unfortunately it’s way to in-depth to get into here. However, I do talk a lot about the process in my newsletter and have outlined a 9 step process to living a happy life in my upcoming book (title and release date to TBD) How To Find Happiness: 9 Steps to Inner-Peace and Discovering Your Authentic Self (due out in late July 2011). The process requires looking deep within oneself, seeking help from others, taking out the trash from your past, discovering your true self, and then living a life where our intentions, thoughts, and actions are in tune with each other.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
-Ghandi

Having balance and harmony between our thoughts, words, and actions is invaluable in finding happiness. It may sound simple, but think about how often you portray a certain persona or facade to the world, all the while feeling completely different on the inside. Personally I was king at this in what I refer to as my “10 dollar life.” A period of my life when I would never put more than $5 to $10 worth of gas in my car at one time. I had the money, just not the time. I was too busy running around changing the world, getting ahead and striving for greatness in my career; or so I thought. The truth is that I was a mess, both emotionally and spiritually. But to the world I showed this guy who had his sh#$ together and was making things happen. In reality, I never slowed down enough for people to really get to know me as I was afraid they wouldn’t like the real me. How could they, I sure didn’t.

That reminds me of something I learned while working in a restaurant years ago… that if you walk around with a ketchup bottle in your hand and look busy, people will leave you alone. Just because you’re busy, doesn’t mean you’re getting things done.

After finally hitting a bottom emotionally, physically, and spiritually in March of 2006, I had to do something. That’s when I dedicated my life to finding true inner-peace and happiness. Out of the process of self-discovery and a lot of outside help, I learned to love and respect the real me. It was a simple process, but not easy. I had to be willing to abandon everything I thought I knew about life and my place in it. The result was finding true inner-peace and happiness.

The most valuable part of learning to love, accept, and respect self, is you require less external sources for happiness. The result is a happiness that is not contingent on others or your circumstances. Sure there’s going to be times when you’re unhappy and a little down, but even in these times you can maintain a deep sense that everything is fundamentally OK. The entire process of how to live a happy life is discovering your true authentic self and living as closely to it as you can, forgiving self and others, and the realization that you are not defined by your past and deserve to be happy. A victim is a spectator in their own life and you do not have to be a victim, you can choose to be a survivor and become responsible for your own happiness.

Here is something I wrote in my journal a few years ago.

Yesterday, after my morning meditation, I wrote down a passage from “The Christmas Sweater” by Glenn Beck and shoved it into the back pocket of my jeans. I wrote it down to share with a group of people I would be speaking to that afternoon. The passage is dialog between little Eddie, the main character, and his mother. Eddie is upset about his father’s recent death and getting an itchy sweater for Christmas instead of the bike he wanted.

“I know that things have been hard since Dad died. But it’s been hard for both of us. At some point you have to realize that everything happens for a reason. It is up to you to find that reason, learn from it, and let it take you to the place you’re supposed to be–not just where you have ended up.”  …”you can either complain about how hard your life is, or you can realize that only you are responsible for it. You get to choose: Am I going to be happy or miserable? And nothing–not a sweater and certainly not a bike–will ever change that.”
- Page 108 of The Christmas Sweater by Glenn Beck

What a powerful message: “At some point you have to realize that everything happens for a reason. It is up to you to find that reason, learn from it, and let it take you to the place you’re supposed to be—not just where you have ended up.”

I didn’t share this passage during my speech, I forgot. But after speaking, a women approached me with tears in her eyes. She told me about her son who had recently committed suicide. I told her I was sorry, gave her a hug and then remembered the sheet of paper in my back pocket. I pulled it out and handed it to her.

To truly learn from a past experience you must accept it. However, just because you accept something doesn’t mean you have to like it. It’s important to realize the difference. Acceptance is much like forgiveness in that it’s giving up on the hope of a better past.

At times I’m not the biggest fan of the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” I think a lot of people use it because they don’t understand or accept something that has happened in their lives or to someone they know or love. I don’t believe things happen for a reason necessarily, but that we have the power to learn and give meaning and reason to what has happened. Everything painful in life is an opportunity to grow. As long as we remain the victim we can blame something or someone else while avoiding responsibility and thus the real commitment to learn.

Fundamentally Everything Is OK

On June 26th of 2010 my father was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. On July 6th, ten days later, he passed away. It was a real shock and my family and I were just getting used to the fact that he was sick… then he passed away. I can tell you it wasn’t easy and was difficult to accept at first. But throughout the entire thing I knew deep down everything was doing to be OK. Sure it would be different without my dad there, but I would be OK. As part of my self-discovery process and commitment to living a happy life, over the last few years I learned a lot about my father. I learned a lot about him by learning a lot about  myself. I realized I didn’t need the constant approval and deep emotional connection with my father that I thought I’d resented for so many years. That burden was all on me! .

Over the last couple of years I learned to speak my fathers love language and understand him. As a result our relationship had grown a little deeper as it went along. I am sorry that we’ll not be able to continue learning about each other. However, I am grateful that I had the chance to get to know him so well over the last few years. None of that would have been possible if I had not sought to find happiness in my own life.

No matter what happens to you in your life, you can and deserve to be happy. The key to this is getting OK with who you are as an individual, or discovering your authentic self and living up to it. If you really think about the unhappiness in your life, it stems from regret of the past or fear of the future. So the key to living a happy life then is learning how to stay in the moment. Think about it… look around you right now, I’ll bet in this very instant everything is fundamentally OK in your life. You’re not on fire or falling down a big hill. So the key to happiness is learning how to be content in the moment and comfortable with yourself and your circumstances right now in this instance! The reason you struggle with staying in the moment is because your head fills up with how inadequate you are, regrets, fears, etc. so you keep busy; running around and trying not to stop too long or you might realize how screwed your are!

“All misery derives from the inability to sit in a quite room alone.”
- Author Unknown

Learning to be OK with self takes work. You must get rid of all the trash that’s getting in the way of self love. Through practical action and steps it can be done and is guaranteed to lead you to living a happy life. The question is, do you really want to be happy?

If you answer yes and mean it, then I suggest you sign up for my newsletter if you haven’t already. And thank you so much for taking the time to read all of this.

How to Live a Happy Life (regardless of your circumstances) is a post from: How To Be Happy
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While listening to the section “Awaken the Greatness Within” of Secrets of Being Unstoppable, Guy mentions some interesting theories on greatness, which got me wondering what it truly means to be great, and more precisely; how to be great.

…it’s not about finding someone to imitate. That has nothing to do with awakening true greatness. You spend your life trying to imitate someone that you think is great and you’ll spend your life in fear and resentment. Fear that if you are even able to achieve some modicum of what they appear to do that you will always know that it wasn’t your own. And resentful for the fact that most of us can’t do that…. what would you think of a pigeon that wants to be a humming bird? Can it do anything but resent other humming birds?
– Guy Finley

This is assuming that we see something great other then character. And in some ways I don’t necessarily agree.

“We don’t ever actually see greatness. We see the expression of greatness in certain individuals.”
– Guy Finley

The concept of not actually seeing greatness is interesting to me. Of course I can see the logic in resenting something I’ll never become due to the laws of nature. But my journey into happiness and freedom began with the idea that I could be great like someone else.

I believe I am great, and I got that way by imitating someone that had qualities I admired, at least that’s how it started. Initially, I just chose someone who I believed had a great life. Maybe you’ve heard the saying “fake it till you make it” or “act as if.” Hey, that stuff works when you don’t know any better.

A psychiatrist once suggested that if I was struggling in a certain area, to find someone I admired and try to emulate them. My initial thought was she was crazy… funny, me thinking the person with a PhD behind their name was crazy. After many years, pain, and finally surrendering, I realized she was right. At least it worked for me initially… that is, witnessing someone that had something I wanted (inner-peace, happiness, emotional maturity, self-love) and asking them to help me get there. OK, maybe that wasn’t imitating so much as seeking guidance, but there were times I would imitate actions—introducing myself to strangers (getting outside myself), praying, reading, journaling, etc. I was acting as if I had those qualities while taking actions that were suggested by the person I was imitating.

Looking back, I realize the first step towards greatness was surrender; when the seed of willingness sprouted. The willingness to abandon the relationship I had with myself and the world as I currently experienced it. I become open to the journey of true self-knowledge.

Before I discuss how to be great, I’d like to share what I think it means to be great. Usually this is where I post a definition of the word and link to someplace like Wikipedia or something, but I realized every-time I do that, I just search through the different definitions until I find one that supports my position. So I figured I’d just explain what I think being great is.

Being Great to me is when actions, thoughts, and desires are as closely aligned to true self as possible. All the potential of greatness that is inherent within us has been allowed to manifest itself in our thoughts, actions, and relationships. It’s peace of mind, happiness, self-love and humility. If you’re into buzz words, this would be living true to your authentic self. They key to greatness is discovering your true self and then living as close to that ideal self as possible. The hard part is discovering what your true character and self is.

Most often we avoid the laborious journey of self-discovery in fear of what we’ll find. But just like a successful business, we must take stock in our inventory. We must find the salable goods that add value to our life and those around us—we must keep those as they add value to our bottom line (character, spirit, self-worth). Conversely, we need to discard the parts of our character and self that is rotting on the shelves, slowly draining our business of value while causing misery to ourselves and those around us. We realize these items are breaking the bank by depleting our spiritual and moral account balance. Yet they have defined us for so long, we’re not sure who we would be without them. We feel unworthy of greatness and conveniently have these negative items in our inventory to validate our unworthiness.

Potential Greatness

I often cringe when I hear parents talk about their children having so much potential. I hear it a lot on the A&E show Intervention as parents or loved ones are discussing the addict or alcoholic. I’m not sure why it bothers me so much. I think it has something to do with expectations and resentment… which can be counterproductive in many ways to personal growth. Potential in this context seems to convey a sense of conditional love or acceptance. If only they would act the way I expect them to, then I could truly love and support them. I do not doubt the  love in these cases, maybe I just wish they would chose a different way to express it… I like to stay firm in the belief that at any given moment, everyone is doing the best they know how.

In remembering the lowest moments in my life, regardless of how it appeared to others, being made aware that I was not meeting someone’s expectation did little for my recovery. The only thing that really mattered in the end, and probably saved my life, was to know that someone loved me unconditionally. They let me know that if and when I was ready, they would be there no matter what. They expressed no expectations, judgment, or pity. They simply loved me at a time when I was unable to love myself. At least that was my experience.

In the context of being great, the term potential is more like a rock sitting on the side of a hill. The rock possesses the potential energy to be released and roll; all it needs is a little help. As too is the potential of a tree from an acorn. Like the acorn, rock, or much of the universe, you have the potential to be great. Actually, you are great already. You have qualities, a character, and a soul that makes up the part of you that is truly unique and great. And when allowed to shine and live freely, you can be nothing but great.

Greatness is in your genes, already given to you by your creator. Just as the tomato seed has the potential to be a ripe, beautiful, and great tomato, you have the potential of greatness already in you. It was given to you at conception. Just as you had everything you needed in your mother’s womb, you already have everything you need to be great. It’s in the root of you just waiting to be unbound and allowed to soar.

Finding the root of ourselves, awakening to our real authentic self is scary. What if we’re not great? Do you realize that if you find and live true to your authentic self, that in itself is greatness?

Living in-line with your ideal authentic self is greatness. By loving self and being true to self, you can be nothing but great.

Which brings me back to what Guy says is truly at the root of awakening this greatness within ourselves, it is two words: Know Thyself

True self-knowledge must be gained the old fashioned way, it must be earned. True self-knowledge does not come from reading a book, it does not come from listening to a speaker. True self-knowledge comes from an individual’s wish and willingness, to begin the process of becoming conscience of these elements, this raw stuff of ourselves… and in that awareness of it, beginning to allow a certain process to take place that so far has been prohibited by our unwillingness to see ourselves as we are.
- Guy Finely

Here is how I resisted true-self knowledge for so many years. My thinking was: OK… so what happens if I “straighten up and fly right” (live up to who I think I can be and know deep inside I am) and I’m still miserable? What then? What happens if I do that and I’m still not great? Or worse yet, I’m still miserable!

Living with the hope or dream of being great was all I had. The hope of being great someday was more secure than the fear of trying and falling short.

Until it wasn’t any more.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
- Buddhist Proverb

Gaining true self-knowledge is more than daily meditation and reading some self-help books. True self-knowledge is a complete change in your nature; an entirely different view of the world and your relationship with the universe. It takes effort, sacrifice, commitment, time, and humility. And in most cases, due to the self-preservation instincts of ego, it cannot be done alone.

Go Forth and Be Great

Achieving greatness is finding out who you truly are and living up to it. Not feeling great today? Then listen to what your conscience is telling you; it knows who you are and are not. The gentle nudge of your conscience is suggesting you’re not living true to your authentic self. What did you do last night? What are you thinking of doing later that goes against your values and is already eating at your conscience? Talk to someone about it; trust someone with your secrets. Afraid to share your secrets with someone? That’s the self-perseveration of ego keeping you from greatness.

So you see, greatness is already in you, it just takes some effort to get all that other crap out of the way.

How to be great is a post from: How To Be Happy
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If you want to live a fearless life and become unstoppable, you need to accept the idea that we’re not here to possess or win anything. The key to this life for each and every one of us is to learn. The quicker you learn to accept this fact about learning and not winning, the quicker you’ll learn how to be happy.

I want you to listen to something:
5 Simple Steps to Make Yourself Fearless – Guy Finley (.mp3 opens in new window)

That’s Guy Finley in part of his 14 hour program, Secrets to Being Unstoppable.

Fear, Stress, and Anxiety stem from living outside of truth. The truth that in each moment, we fundamentally have everything we need. Yet living in this truth takes time, practice, and the relentless commitment to gaining self-knowledge.

How To Be Happy readers, I want to introduce you to something I received in October and have been listening to since. It’s called Secrets to Being Unstoppable from Guy Finley. Honestly I’m telling you this is a good product. And yes, I do get an affiliate commission if you purchase through links on this page. I’ll admit, I received a free copy of this amazing 14 hour program and have enjoyed listening to every single minute of it… many times already. Plus I also purchased a copy for my mother who I know will love it!

Although I obviously couldn’t score a free copy for everyone, I emailed Eric from the non-Profit Life of Learning Foundation affiliate program and he said he could give me $30 off for my readers. Which I thought was pretty cool. So if you purchase through the links on this page you’ll get $30 of the regular price of $95.00 for the 16-CD album (making it $65.00), and $30 off the regular price of $79.00 for the 16-MP3 album (making it $49.00)!

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What I love about Guy Finley is he not only explains how and why we experience things like tension, fear, and stress in our lives, but gives practical exercises I can and do put into practice. I think that’s the biggest gap I’ve found in his audio courses versus others I’ve listened to. I’m not big on a lot of theory and little practical application. As you often hear me say, “Rhetoric never satisfied the soul.” I listen to this in the car, while at work, while running, etc. and… I’m laughing at myself because I’m constantly thinking… “cool! that’s it, I love that…” and try to remember what section of the recording it’s on so I can go back and listen to it again later. Finally I realized it’s something I’ll be listening to for years and I’ll understand and hear what I’m supposed to when I’m supposed to.

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If you’re looking for a great audio program guaranteed to show you how to live fearless, overcome stress and anxiety, check out Secrets to Being Unstoppable. For those of you who decide to check it out, I greatly appreciate it and thank you for your support.

Living Fearless: Discover the Secrets to Being Unstoppable is a post from: How To Be Happy
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I love things that make me think. The ABC TV show, “Brothers & Sisters” is my wife and I’s show. That and the TV series House, which after about a year of watching recorded re-runs I think we’ve almost seen them all.

A few weeks ago on Brothers & Sisters, Nora Walker, the matriarch of the Walker family played by Sally Field, had started her own radio talk show where she gives motherly advice. She made the comment to a caller (which happened to be her daughter Kitty who recently lost her husband) that:

“You have to give up on the life you dreamed of to
find the life that’s waiting for you.”

I’ve been working hard on a book I’m writing about finding happiness (which is why my posts here at How To Be Happy have slowed to a crawl). The topic I’m currently on is surrender. I believe Nora’s comment hits a nice chord on the topic.

Surrender is about letting go, it’s a control thing. By concentrating on wants and desires (which are never satisfied), you miss out on what you need. What you need to be happy and spiritually fit comes from within and can be found in the moment you’re in right now, not the moments you’re dreaming of in the future.

Surrendering can be difficult for one reason; it deals with faith and control.

Lack of faith comes from lack of experience. And lack of experience (in this context) comes from trying to maintain control. You think you surrender something and let it go by acting like you don’t care anymore, yet if you look closely, you’re still emotionally attached to the outcome.

Complete surrender is comprised of two completely separate parts: letting go and turning something over.

Following is a practical exercise to illustrate the difference in letting go and turning something over.

Grab an object like a rock (or anything) and hold it tightly in your hand with your palm facing up. With palm sill facing upwards, open your hand, let go. What happens?

It’s still there.

You may have let it go, but you still haven’t turned it over completely, you still desire control over it or are lacking faith in some sense.

Now, repeat the process, but after you’ve opened your hand, turn your wrist and arm so your palm is facing down. What happens?

The object falls.

Gravity takes over just as the universe and your higher power will when you truly turn something over.

The most difficult part is not bending over to pick it back up; to have faith it’s where it’s supposed to be.

I practice this exercise when I’m having a hard time turning something over. I usually do this in bed if I can’t sleep. I use the thought of what’s bothering me in place of the physical object while extending my arms out in front of me.

“You have to give up on the life you dreamed of
to find the life that’s waiting for you.”

I did not wake up one day with faith. There was a point I became too miserable and had to try something different. I had to let go of EVERYTHING I was holding on to as I realized it was slowly killing me.

There was a tremendous sense of freedom that came with such deep surrender. I remember the moment it happened. I was turning off Metcalf Avenue heading West onto Shawnee Mission Parkway in the town where I live when I heard something on he radio, “Grace is God’s reaction to your action.” It was about 6 months after I’d started my spiritual journey and I had been working hard on myself and my recovery. I knew at that instant I was going to be OK. I knew for the first time I didn’t have to know how my life would turn out. I didn’t have to know what I was going to do for a living, where I was going to live, how I was going to pay my bills, etc. I just knew that if did the next right thing, everything would work out. I gave up on the life I had dreamed of and surrendered to whatever it was that awaited.

The most amazing things happen when you surrender, give up control, and stop fighting. By giving up on the life you dreamed of, you break free of expectation and your limited imagination of what’s possible. You begin to realize the possibility of a life beyond that which you’re even capable of dreaming.

Surrender and Giving up on the Life You Dreamed Of is a post from: How To Be Happy
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Ah, the question everyone wants to know, how to achieve happiness? Let us first look at what the word achieve means:

achieve: to bring to a successful end; carry through; accomplish

This is the most common mistake when people set out to find happiness in their lives, they set out under the allusion that they can accomplish it like finishing a novel or building a shed. It’s not quite that easy yet it can still be found through hard work. Achieving happiness is done through looking within ourselves and finding what truly brings us joy in our lives.

Sit back and think about times in your life when you were truly happy. Chances are you haven’t thought of them much lately if you’re here, searching for information on achieving happiness. Learning how to achieve happiness starts with the willingness to really know yourself. Much like trying to purchase a Christmas gift for a friend you don’t know all that well, it’s hard! The same can be applied to yourself. How well do you really know yourself and what can you achieve that will bring you happiness?

The majority of things we seek to make us happy are not what we truly need for long-lasting peace of mind and happiness. When you really look at it, we all want pretty much the same things… which has nothing to do with “things.” We want to be loved and accepted. So why then do we constantly try to achieve happiness through material things? For one reason, it’s a hell of a lot easier! After all, who wants to get to know themselves intimately and truly unlocking fears, regrets, and resentments? Most wouldn’t think that sounds like achieving happiness at all but more of creating misery by digging up skeletons. Yet it’s the very skeletons that continue to keep coming up and reaching in our pockets for the next big thing; the next thing to make us happy.

As long as we’re not happy with ourselves, we’re never really going to achieve happiness. I refer to this concept all the time here at How To Find Happiness; happiness is a by-product of right living. Sure right living can be subjective, but deep inside us all (unless we suffer some mental illness) we have a moral compass that nudges us towards right living. Even with that moral compass, we do a grand job of squashing it’s influence or silencing it with denial, material things, addictions, and unhealthy behavior.

The How of achieving happiness is self-love and acceptance. As we learn to accept the consequences of being ourselves, we’re effected less by outside sources. Achieving happiness is not the goal so much as self-acceptance and realizing that everything we need to be happy is already within us. Think about it, if we’re not relying on outside sources anymore for happiness, wouldn’t it be possible to create our happy life no matter what our circumstances are?

Early in my life I reached a childhood dream of becoming a zookeeper (more specifically a primate keeper). Yes, many of you may have read this about me already… but the fact is, I was really happy for several years. Why wouldn’t I be happy getting to take care of chimpanzee’s, spider monkey’s and all types of primates every day? I just knew this was going to be what I did for the rest of my life; so sure, I wrote an article that was featured in a zoo-keeping magazine. I still have several copies saved at home in a box somewhere. However, a few years into that job and I got bored, I just woke up one day and was extremely unsatisfied with my life. This feeling hit me hard as I realized my entire life was going to be this way, chasing after things providing only temporary happiness. This was about the time that I started associating having fun with achieving happiness.

Having fun and continued happiness are not necessarily the same thing. Fun is temporary while true happiness comes from peace of mind and inner-peace. As the result of severe emotional and spiritual pain and suffering, I was forced out of desperation to re-define my life and what happiness meant. That was when I set out to find what achieving happiness really meant. The first step was admitting I didn’t know crappola about true happiness and finding some people that did.

I discovered through a long spiritual and emotional healing and self-discovery process, that I wasn’t really happy or accepting of myself. I went back over my life and all the things I had ever done to myself and others and really took inventory of what my life had been. I learned that in order to know where I was going and to achieve happiness, I had to know where I’d been. What I realized is that I had some really good qualities and character traits that could assist me in finding happiness in my life. It’s sort of like taking inventory of products in a store, you need to know what is selling and to keep and what things are just taking up shelf space. We all have some really good traits and qualities that can assist us in achieving happiness, we just need to be able to see them as assets and not liabilities. It takes practice, help, and getting to know oneself in order to turn liabilities into assets, but it can be done.

Many people believe that life is something to be endured and not enjoyed; that happiness is fleeting and an illusion. I can relate to how these people feel as I once felt that way myself. There are still times in my life when I feel not as happy as usual; but I also know that I’ve worked towards a happy life and from experience I know that “this too shall pass.” For instance when my father passed away suddenly a few months ago. I had never been through something like that before so there were emotions I had never quite felt or dealt with. I knew deep inside everything was/is fundamentally OK, but there are these moments I feel fear or sadness. One thing that helps me in these times is to focus on gratitude. I change my perspective from sadness to gratitude for all the wonderful years I had with my father; especially the last few years as I grew spiritually and learned to accept the reality of our relationship with each other. Since March 12th of 2006 when I was at a bottom emotionally, physically, and spiritually, I’ve dedicated my life to finding the ingredients to achieving happiness. Almost all of the techniques I’ve learned to help me find happiness in everyday living came from spiritual coaching and the simple act of asking for help. The concept is easy really, find someone who seems to have achieved the happiness you want and emulate them.

Years ago when I was struggling with depression and destructive behavior, I had a psychiatrist suggest to me, “Jared, you just need to find someone you admire and respect and simply emulate what they do.” I remember thinking “lady you’re crazy, I’m my own person and there just isn’t anyone out there as unique and great as me.” Yeah, pretty stupid, me calling the shrink crazy. The truth is, she was right! It really is that easy, finding someone who has something you want (spiritually, emotionally, even financially) and simply ask them to show you how they got there. Sure they may say no, but they sure can’t deny you the right to observe or at least (in a non-stalker sort of way) research how they’ve become successful or happy. Chances are, if achieving happiness is your goal, and you find someone who is happy, they’ll be delighted to share with you how they became that way. I know I sure enjoy sharing how I achieved happiness, which is pretty evident by the length of this article apparently.

Just like building a house or digging a hole, happiness is something you can achieve if you set your mind to it. However, it is not done the way most of us have been trying for years. Happiness is achieved through self-acceptance, love, and building healthy relationships. Happiness is finding love, purpose, and gratitude in every moment possible each and every day. If you’re into studies and statistics, I suggest you check out the article What Makes Us Happy?

If you’re still reading this, I commend you for hanging in there, I know this is a really long article; but hey, achieving happiness is no simple task!

Be sure to sign up anywhere on this site to get your free report, How to Be Happy Now and access to my Happiness newsletter. Again, thank you for stopping by and taking time out of your life to read this.

How to Achieve Happiness is a post from: How To Be Happy
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Dear Me (at age 15),
I recently turned 40, wow, what a ride. I can say it’s pretty amazing to feel my best years are ahead of me (God willing).

I was thinking about what I could suggest to you… possibly some things to help you save time, live happier, and avoid stress as you grow older. I know how stubborn you can be and how much you admire yourself… but I also know deep inside you’re really just scared and confused. It’s OK, we all are. Maybe that doesn’t make sense right now, but just think about it—and try to listen the best you can. Oh, and above all, know that you are loved just the way you are.

Now, on to the topic at hand… Although I like numbered lists today, I know you hate them as they are constraining, limit your artistic sense of spontaneity, and the content may get lost in your attempt to apply some type of weight or ranking based on order. So instead of a list, I’ll use bullets. You like those.

How To Save Time

• Stop worrying about being a starter on the varsity team. Actually, I’m not even sure where all the starters are today. It’s tough being a small fish in a big pond. Stay small and every pond will seem big; get used to it, it means more opportunity. Besides, whether or not you’re a varsity starter won’t matter on your resume when applying for your dream job. What will matter is the lessons you learn about teamwork and respect… pay attention to those.
• Stop worrying about tomorrow. You have literally wasted around 5,259,487.66 minutes (or 10 years.. give or take a few million minutes) worrying about events that may or may not happen. Right now is what’s important, pay attention and you’ll save time later not worrying about what you missed.
• Purchase only black dress socks. Black goes with everything; plus it’s dark in the morning and trying to match your socks with your tie and shirt is too much to think about at 5:30 a.m.
• Only pay attention to the “good if used by date” on milk. The dates are there to protect the people who made the product. You’ll save more time by throwing whatever it is out when it smells, tastes, or looks bad then you spend looking for the latest date in the store.
• Remember what size of pants you wear.
• Pick the first item you like. You’ve wasted countless hours researching something to death to eventually go with the one you originally liked. Trust your gut.
• Fill your gas tank all the way. I know you think you only have time to put in $10 worth of gas since you’re busy changing the world… but in the long run you’ll spend less time stopping for gas if you just fill it up!
• Skip college right out of high school. You have no idea what you want to do with your life yet; take some time and try as many different things as you can.
• Forget about buying every possible color of parachute pants you can find.
• When the iPhone comes out, buy it and stop fiddling with a stylus and Windows Mobile.
• If a relationship seems like hard work in the beginning, run.
• And most importantly, stop wishing you were somewhere else and relish each moment you’re in. This is your life and your wasting time worrying!

Next let’s take a quick look at how to live happy, since you seem to have it confused with having fun.

How to Live Happier

• Abandon the idea that fun = happiness. Fun is temporary and does not equate to happiness. Inner-peace and being OK with yourself—who you really are inside—results in true long-lasting happiness.
• Stop putting crap in your body to change the way you feel or avoid emotional pain. Anything that distorts your thinking or emotions is just prolonging the inevitable. You’ll have to face it sooner or later so deal with it as it comes. Live right and you’ll be able to face yourself everyday.
• Give more of everything; especially yourself.
• Expect less from others.
• Concentrate on today and the possibilities of tomorrow instead of trying to get back to the way things were.
• Pray and Mediate every day.
• Spend as much time outdoors as you can.
• Stop trying to make everyone happy.
• Find happiness internally; it’s there just learn how to tap into it.
• Spend more time with your father; it’s limited.
• And most importantly, love yourself.

How To Avoid Stress

• Be on time. If you’re scheduled to be somewhere, leave early.
• Use the restroom before leaving the house.
• Avoid drama.
• Learn how to like yourself as opposed to demanding it from others.
• Accept the fact that you’re judged by your actions, not your intentions.
• If you can’t afford it, you don’t need it—and you need a lot less than you think.
• Learn to distinguish between wants and needs.
• Break down large goals into more manageable weekly or daily tasks.
• Make sure there’s toilet paper before sitting down.
• Ask for help when you need it! (for anything, not just TP)
• Have someone else string your guitar.
• Buy a dependable vehicle.
• Check your nose for bats in the cave before leaving the house.
• Accept that speeding does not actually get you to where you’re going any quicker; it just feels like it.
• When stressed in traffic, realize you’re being selfish and self-centered.
• And most importantly, learn and live the Serenity Prayer.

Well me, that’s it for now. If I think of any more suggestions… well, in 25 years you can follow me on Twitter.

What suggestions do you have for saving time, living happier, or avoiding stress? (not Me silly, you the reader!)

Dear Me, Here are a few suggestions to help you Save Time, Live Happier, and Avoid Stress is a post from: How To Be Happy
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